Saturday, November 22, 2008

Going to the Mall Today? I Am

But be very careful!

You know how they have all those people at the kiosks offering samples of their products? And then the ones who want you to submit to a massage technique that literally shatters every vertebrae makes your back feel so flexable?

Or, how about the kiosk that sells the special sea salts and beauty creams from the dead sea, that set you back about three house payments?

I did both of those when I was in Tucson, on my way to son-in-law's mother bought us each a half hour massage.....that had me thinking I was dying. My son-in-law said the moans coming from my side of the curtain were scaring him.

The same day, in the same mall, my son-in-law's mother and I fell prey to the ancient magical creams and ointments from the dead sea.

Man: Hi! You have such pretty eyes, what's your name?

Me: Uh, Janice

Man: As he grabs my hand, says: Oh your nails are so nice, are they natural?

Me: Uh, yeah, thank you!

Man: Let me show you something....he starts rubbing cream into my finger tips and nails.

...this will make those nails strong and not so brittle.

Then he grabs a buffer and starts buffing my nail. It looks like a new smooth shiny piece of glass! I'm so impressed.

Man: Noticing my glee in my newly buffed nail says: Just think how your boyfriend will love holding your hands when your nails look so polished and your skin is so soft....

when I don't react, he says...

Man: You do have a boyfriend, no?

Me: No

Man: What? a beautiful young woman like you? Impossible!

So, you see where this is going.....after buying $225 of nail and face stuff, I leave, knowing I will always have beautiful skin.

Fast forward to about a month ago. I'm in our local mall if you can call it that and I'm approached by a beautiful young lady with a jar of cream in one hand and a tiny spatula in the other.

She wants to introduce me to her rich uncle a miracle cream, made from stuff dredged from the floor of the dead sea. I told her I'm not a bottom feeder I already owned all their products.

She looked at me, and with a smirk said, "I don't think so."

So today, I will be very careful.....very very careful. I will be wise and savy if I'm approached by someone wanting me to test lip balm. Especially someone like this gal.


I borrowed this from Karen Deborah over at Fresh Fixins!

*Don't forget, I will be leaving helpful gift ideas for Christmas. Basically they will be gifts I'm contemplating getting for my own children and grandchildren...and I'm sharing these great gift ideas with you! These will appear on the bottom of my page. Today is my second gift idea, check it out.


Busy Bee Suz said...

So the video.
Those people in the mall annoy me to no end. I loathe being approached while I am shopping.
Glad you enjoy it though....the massage.... SOOOO funny. :)

Unknown said...

Gary bought me some of that dead sea stuff too. It was interesting. Do you know that I floated in the dead sea? It was one of my favorite things I did when I went to Israel!

I think I have to go to the mall tomorrow and I will definitely look out for these things : ).

Pumpkin Delight (Kimberly) said...

Ha! I laughed OUT LOUD! Too funny.

Jason, as himself said...

Great post! Those mall people do get annoying. . . like walking through a carnival or something.

I'm looking forward to your gift ideas. But I'm proud to say that I did almost all of my shopping TODAY! And it isn't even Thanksgiving! I never do that. I usually wait until about the 15th or so.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Yes, be careful, Grandma J. Maybe you ought to take Phil along for protection.

Someone gave me some of those dead sea products, and I've never, ever used that nail buffer thing. I do not want to know how much money was wasted on that purchase.

Have a good shopping experience, and remember, I'm a size 10.

Anonymous said...

The mall? I'd much rather have my fingernails methodically removed in a medieval torture chamber. I don't do well in a traditional shopping environment. Give me the internet, or give me death!!! (A catalog works nicely as well.)

Those Dead Sea Stuff girls are a little too perky for me. Makes me wonder what they are REALLY up to....

BTW - you have NEVER experienced the joy that IS a Ham Biscuit??? I can't WAIT for you to come to VA!!!

jlo said...

I hate the people who interupt my shopping. The mall is not the swap meet. Looking forward to your Christmas ideas!! Yeah!!

Anonymous said...

You should tell him you leave a trail of boyfriends everywhere you go---I could name some names, but I won't (cause I hate to hurt Nick, the Verizon guy, cute waiters from the cruise, locals @ the pool....) cause it could cause pain and jealousy. Softer hands are just leading to more broken hearts :) Love it.