Blowing In The Wind

I spent today at a track meet. Yesterday the temperature was in the 80's.....today it was in the low 50's....with the wind blowing at 30mph...and more!

My granddaughter..yes the one who plays basketball, ran the 100, 200, and 400 meter events. Is that what you call them? She also did the long jump.

Her mom was wrapped up tight....even though we never expected it to be so cold.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Did I tell you JJ fell out the car window? No, not my car...and he's fine...he's a tough one....scared but tough.

GROUP THERAPY

Have you ever been in a group therapy session? It doesn't matter what the circumstances were. Some sit around on couches and cushy chairs, some sit on pillows and mats on the floor. OK, so that's all Grandma J remembers about group therapy. Well, that and looking at all the people and trying to figure out what the h.e.double toothpicks made them so wacko. Maybe wacko is too strong a word. But it's just a people watching instinct Grandma J has....

A favorite pastime of mine, is people watching...sitting in the mall and wondering just exactly what some of the loons do for a living, or trying to imagine what kind of sex life person they are attracted to. Sometimes it's a matter of figuring out who told them they looked good in size 3X low rise hot pants red and green checkered sweats.

Anyways, Grandma J was at her daughter's house yesterday....because her granddaughter called and said she missed her wanted to have her BF over, but couldn't without an adult in the house.



Never wanting to smother her grandkids and be deemed uncool, Grandma J brought a back-up chaperone....Phillip Johnny Bob. But things got a little too quiet up in the loft....so she snuck up there to see just what the gang was up to.



This scene struck my funny bone, and the diversity of characters and intent reminded me of group therapy. click picture to enlarge
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Of course, another event made me happy and sad.....

My grandson got his braces....he's growing up fast, which of course means Grandma J is getting younger.

And.....they are the color of his favorite team..the Arizona Cardinals, red and black... and so is his new blackberry...geesh!

I'm Not Going There!
.....no, I'm not.....ever

This may be of interest to my Green friends, but you can't make me go there ever. This is what I'm talking about. Sure, they're cute but reusable? NOT!

“Natural living” advocates unveil their latest planet-saving invention - the reusable toilet wipe. This is what they say:

"American taste for soft toilet roll 'worse than driving Hummers'
Extra-soft, quilted and multi-ply toilet roll made from virgin forest."

'nuff said.

Color Me Blue

When Grandma J was just a little girl, she couldn't wait to go to school.

When she started kindergarten, she was thrilled to death because she wanted homework like her big brother. So did some of her classmates. After bugging the teacher for several weeks, they were assigned some homework. It wasn't much, but it was a fun project, and Grandma J was excited.

We were studying food groups, had just made some butter in class, and feasted on it by spreading it on saltine crackers. Next on our agenda was apple sauce....homemade apple sauce. Keeping with the food theme, and probably wanting to get an idea of what we ate at home, the teacher asked the kindergartners to color a picture of what they had for dinner that night as their homework.


This is what Little Grandma J turned in. Yeah, that's right, I still have the original picture in my mind...forever!

The teacher called her up and told her that she had mistakenly colored the potatoes the wrong color....they shouldn't be blue.

Yeah, too bad the teacher didn't know that the family that Grandma J lived with had blue potatoes. And they had a whole lot of blue potatoes. That's all she knew.

You see, Grandma J's grandparents were farmers, and the government....I don't know if it was the State or Federal Government, gave farmers surplus potatoes...lots of them. A basement full of surplus potatoes.....and they were dyed blue. The reason they were dyed blue was to prevent the farmers from selling them. They were for planting, and of course personal use if desired...and evidently Grandma J's grandparents not only desired, but they shared.

But guess what? In searching for information on government surplus "blue potatoes" I found out there is a real blue potato. Here's what it says about them.


.....
"All Blue Potatoes are very much like Purple Potatoes with a striking color and wonderful flavor and moist texture. Like the Purple Potato, they hold their shape after cooking so are perfect for a purple or blue potato salad and also make a fun blue mashed potato. Steam or bake to preserve the color".



Today, Grandma J could whip up a batch in no time flat....would you eat them?

Is This Thing On?

because I want to tell you a joke....because a serious dose of Grandma J two days in a row in unrealistic.

So, here's the joke

From a Married Woman

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went....

My engaged friend:

The other night my boyfriend came over and found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said............


"What's for dinner, Batman?"

SER.I.OUS.LY POSTED

Today I was off to a mission.....

....and this is what I got. Can you guess?

My Lentin Ashes. Not a sign of grace, but an outward sign of graces needed.

*this post in no way resembles or was a knock-off of Bossy's popular Guess and Press. But if it was, I hope Bossy is flattered. ..maybe.

How Bad Can It Be?

I'm talking about the economy. I waited until six this evening to go to Jack In The Box to get my free tacos. Of course, I printed out a coupon for my granddaughter too, so I had to go pick her up...cruising past Jack's on the way. I tried to see if there was a long line, but with the remnants of rush hour still hanging around...it was hard to tell.

When we circled around back to get in line...there was only one car in front of me!

We checked out the menu for additional items because it wasn't just about me and my free tacos.

We drove up to the window and supervised the process as our order was filled.

When I gave the cashier my coupons he said I was the only person to bring coupons for free tacos all day! Did you get your tacos? Was there a line?

Then we went home to enjoy. Some Mardi Gras celebration!

HANG IN THERE JACK!




On the afternoon of Feb. 1, 2009, Jack, the founder of Jack In The Box, was hit by a bus and seriously injured. For updates on Jack's condition, please visit Hang In There Jack

This is the vigil Jack's loyal fans have set up for him in the Corporate Headquarter's parking lot. Because of all the public support and well wishes for Jack, the Guest Relations department of Jack In The Box would like to thank Jack's loyal customers with this coupon......

That's right, a coupon for two free tacos on Tuesday, February 24, 2009....Print it out, cut and paste....(click to enlarge) or go to the Jack In The Box press room website and get it there.

*This has been a public service announcement brought to you by Grandma J, because she loves you....and Jack, equally!

*disclosure....Grandma J doesn't work for Jack, she wasn't driving the bus that hit Jack she never went steady with Jack, and she's not affiliated with Jack In The Box...at all.

THE LETTER G

I was going to do the obvious and tell you all about my grandchildren...but since I already do that four days a week, I'm taking a pass. Oh, pleeeze....no need to cry, there will be plenty of posts about teenagers, toddlers and t'weens in the future.

Today is extra special because my G is all about goats......

Not just plain old pictures of goats, but an actual tutorial in true Grandma J fashion.

Are you ready? Let's get started.....

Here we have the "Total" Anatomy of a Goat from the outside. click to enlarge

You can also practice drawing a goat....adding one more morsel of talent to show off to your relatives at the next family gathering.

Did you know that your horse might want a goat to pal around with? ser.i.ous.ly.

Just maybe your boxer needs a goat to smother with hugs?

How about this cutie...Can you believe some guy traded his wife for this goat?

Throw away your expensive wrinkle erasing serum....there is such a thing as Goat Milk Soap to replace it. This gal is living proof that is can make you purty.

Wasn't that fun? You too can participate in A to Z Mondays. Go ahead, I double dare you!

Ride 'Em Cowboy

I pulled into a parking space in the crowded parking lot at H.E.B on Saturday afternoon. It's one of the only two places I can get fresh meat in this town. The other place is Walmart and "fresh meat" at Walmart means packaged and shipped in from some meat packing plant south of Disneyworld along the Kissimmee River. Really, all I wanted was some ground beef for my taco salad....just the thought of having to go to either crazy zoos gave me heartburn. But someone was looking out for me and my thirst for blogging material...yes they were.



If you are a Dallas Cowboys fan then please seek help don't read this. I love you, and Rowdy the Dallas Cowboys' mascot, and don't want you to desert me, but I wonder about people who do this to their car.

Now, I understand having a favorite team. I've been in a huge football pool with about forty other peeps for years, and I love watching football all day on Sundays. I have my favorite teams, and I have some sweatshirts and hats....but doing this to your car is a bit over the top.

The woman who stepped out of the car happens to be someone I recognized. She works at the local bingo hall. When I say she "works" at the bingo hall, I mean it's a paying job here, not all volunteers like California. Luckily she didn't recognize me when she got out of her car, and I kept my head down because I wanted to take pictures. I could only get two because my phone started ringing, and the only camera I had on me was the one on my phone. BTW, the back of the car had even better stuff including the woman's name! The inside was decked out too.

I'm curious.....just what kind of radius would be safe driving this car? Say I put that crap on my car...how far would I get on my way to Denver next month? Have you ever met a Broncos fan?

How about when I drive from Texas to Virginia in July? I'll be passing through Tennessee and maybe I'll stray into Falcons, Panthers and Redskin turf. So, I guess if you stay in your own hood, you can get away with sporting your team all over your car.

Of course I have some pretty nutty friends like this one back in CA. Can you figure out who her favorite football team is? She actually travels to their opening home game every year....and she still loves me even though I make fun of her Steelers wallpaper and shower curtain. Yes I do...and yes she does.

PICK UPS

I frequently get calls for pick ups.

Sometimes it's because someone has to get picked up at the high school right after track practice. This is extremely urgent because said track star works....and work consists of score keeping at another sports venue for a pretty penny.

Then there are the remote, ever so important calls to pick up JJ at the groomers.

It's not important that JJ's coiffing costs $71.65 because JJ not only gets groomed, he gets something extra called the Top Dog Care Package.

The Top Dog Care Package includes toothbrushing, health enhancing shampoo, remoisturizing conditioner and breath freshener....with the purchase of a bath or groom. Does anyone notice that JJ did not get the complimentary bandana? I think a call to PetSmart is in order.

GOOGLE ME NEEDY



Big Hair Envy did this cute little exercise that she found on Facebook....I stole it from her because I'm good at that...and I don't do Facebook. I know, shame on Grandma J! Anyway here's how it works:

You put your first name, followed by the word "needs" in the Google Search, and post the first ten things that pop up. Thank you Rebeckah for explaining it to me.

So here goes......

1. Grandma J needs....help (some of my friends can tell you this.. you don't need to google it). It said all that...Google knows my friends?

2. Grandma J needs....to get her head out her ar*e! Tell me something new, and Rebeckah, you weren't joking!

3. Grandma J needs....a Man. Please God, haven't I suffered enough? :)

4. Grandma J needs....a new piece of equipment. Oh goodie, I see a Roomba in my future!

5. Grandma J needs....to research the presidential oath. Will I be taking it anytime soon?

6. Grandma J needs....to exercise caution. Or just plain exercise.

7. Grandma J needs....some fashion tips. Are you kidding? I need a full makeover.

8. Grandma J needs....to mourn for 100 days. Umm, that would be lent x 2.5 .

9. Grandma J needs....needs a plastic surgery intervention. Is that cheaper that the whole enchilada?

10. Grandma J needs....to be thinking outside the box. Hellooooo, I moved to Texas, didn't I?

Now that was a lot of fun! Go ahead and try it!

FRIDAY MATINEE



Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail

Madea Goes to Jail just might be Tyler Perry's best movie to date. The film stars Tyler, back in drag, as the sassy, pistol-packing Mable "Madea" Simmons.

At the beginning of the movie, we find Madea in front of Judge Mablean who recognizes Madea and rattles off her previous run-ins, complete with mug shots....

The judge is reminded by Tyler Perry, as Medea's attorney, that she was never read her Miranda Rights by the arresting officers.....then we see the three officers sitting in the courtroom all beat up and battered... Judge Mablean tells her she has no choice but to let Madea off with a slap on the wrist and a stern warning for leading police on a high-speed freeway chase. Instead of landing behind bars, she is ordered to undergo treatment for anger management with Dr. Phil. While "on the couch", she and the shrink engage in a hilarious exchange causing Dr. Phil to throw up his hands in defeat.

Needless to say, the therapy doesn't work, and Madea goes berserk again when a customer steals her parking spot at the mall. After wrecking the woman's car with a forklift, Madea is arrested again but ends up this time in front of a very incensed Judge Mathis who decides to teach her a lesson.....

.......a sentence of 5-10 years.

Meanwhile, there's a whole parallel, serious, life-lesson plot unfolding involving Assistant District Attorney Joshua Hardaway (Derek Luke) who is engaged to Linda, a bourgie colleague who doesn't understand why he might care about rehabilitating Candy (played by Keshia Knight Pulliam), a former friend who has turned to streetwalking.

With the help of a prison minister, Josh does his best to get his friend the help she needs anyway, a decision which destabilizes his once solid relationship. Everything comes to a head when Madea and Candy cross paths in a correctional facility, leading to tidy resolution which not only ties loose ends but elicits a few tears.

The cast also features an incredible number of celebrity cameos, most notably, Dr. Phil, and TV Judges Greg Mathis and Mablean Ephriam, not to mention Reverend Al Sharpton, comedian Steve Harvey, DJs Tom Joyner and Michael Baisden, CNN news anchor Tony Harris, and The View talk show hosts Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Sherri Shepherd and Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

Fortunately, for Tyler Perry, balancing all the egos never gets in the way of making a hilarious flick. The finished product is a rollicking roller coaster that ought to be fun for the whole family.

FYI...stay for the closing credits, for some bonus bantering between Madea and Dr. Phil.

I give this movie 4 1/2 out of 5 jail cells.