Sunday, September 28, 2008

SOMETIMES THE TRUTH........ stranger than fiction

And then other times people are just plain out of the loop. Seriously out of the loop.

Over the years I've engaged in many conversations with other mothers, sharing stories about being a newly expectant mother, mother of an infant, toddler...and so on. Every so often a mother will tell a tale that borders on bizarre or in "who would ever do that?" This is one of those.

Now, when I was growing up we were fortunate to never get really sick. When we would get sick, our parents would smather you in tons of Vicks take us to a doctor. It was rare when a Bayer aspirin or the Vicks didn't work, so I don't really recall regular office visits.

When I got pregnant with my oldest daughter, I was sicker than a dog. I thought I had the worse flu ever....I couldn't move without puking my brains out. This went on for a couple of weeks. Finally I called our old family doctor and described my symptoms. He said it sounded like I was pregnant, and did I have an OB GYN? Nope....I had never been to one.....ever!

The good doctor referred me to Dr. Tucker, and "Tucker" would be his first name.
I called to make an appointment, and his receptionist told me to please bring a urine sample. She explained that it should be from the first trip to the bathroom the morning of my appointment.

if this is too much information for my two male readers....oh well!

I was so excited....Little ol me was going to an OB GYN. And...I'm probably pregnant! I sterilized a jar the night before my appointment. I layed out my freshly ironed baggiest blouse and slacks. Because, if you are going to an OB GYN, and you might be want to make sure everyone knows...or at least suspects.

Thank goodness I was young, because I opted out of going to the bathroom before going to know, the speciment....I wanted to make sure I had a good one. And I did.

Boy did I. I filled the jar.....and carried it out to the car, put it on the seat next to me....and carried it into the office....propping it up on my lap in the waiting room for everyone to see....because I wanted them to know I was pregnant.

So there I sat and just as I predicted, everyone noticed......

They noticed because it was a quart size mayonaise jar...and it was full! I sat there so smug.....and they all stared.....jealous women...all of them.

When the nurse called me in, and I handed her the jar she tried so hard to not laugh.... but I was oblivious to my own stupidity.....until I was leaving and she handed me one of those small speciment jars to use for my next visit.

There you have, tell me the most embarrassing thing you ever's just between us, I won't tell anyone..and I promise not to point at you and laugh.

Tomorrow is a special day.....I can't wait to tell you about it.


Karen said...

I have told so many people about you doing that. I still laugh at the very thought!
Of course I've never ever done anything dumb.

Anonymous said...

I knew you were crazy.
Can't say you didn't have a pot to pi#s in.

Caroline said...

Oh gosh wish I had something that good...I just tend to trip and fall in front of people...

Suz said...

Grandma J, this is just too funny. You must have held enough pee for a race horse. :)
Have you read my blonde moments??? I have done a doozy of silly stuff...and I keep right on doing it. ;)
Thanks for sharing.
I love your art work...I must learn to do this too.

Jason said...

This story is just as good reading it as it was hearing it straight from "the horse's" mouth! Classic. Just classic.

CGS said...

You are too funny. I can't think of any single thing that makes near as good a story as that did.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

I'll never look at a jar of Hellmans the same again.

My whole life is one big episode of embarassment. I go to the store with my shirt on backwards. I go to the gym with my shorts on inside out. I go to work with two different color shoes on. I meet--and shake hands with-- the former governor of Virginia on my worst hair day ever, except I didn't know it due to way too much humidity and no mirrors at the venue, only portapotties and no public restrooms. I overflow a toilet--big time--at my former in-law's house the very first time I met them. I get gas and drive off with the nozzle still attached...the next day the entire gas station is closed down for repairs.

I'll stop now. But rest assured I could write until tomorrow and not hit the tip of the iceberg.

Keeper Of All Things said...

Oh man.........I just about had my drink coming out my nose...........oh man is that funny!!!!

Rebeckah said...

Ok, I had to think about it for a while. One of my most embarassing things ever: I was driving home from my Grandma's house one time. She lived about 6 hours away from my parents. I really had to go the bathroom. I finally came to a rest stop and raced in! I was running as fast as I could, I went in, closed the door, sat down and peed! PHEW! And when I came out, I was ALARMED to see MEN standing at urinals PEEING! ICK! I think that is one of my most embarassing stories! Much LOVE!

Pumpkin Delight said...

This is funny, but even better hearing it in person. It was great meeting you today! So glad you could come out to LA!

Grandma J said...

Oh my CBW! You beat me hands down. Although, I have worn two different color shoes to work and never noticed until someone asked me if I was starting a new four o'clock. I loved a certain style of pump and bought several pair. didn't!! You did?

Big Hair Envy said...


I am quite skilled at dropping my food tray in a cafeteria!! I did this in elementary school, high school AND college. Thank goodness I have not attended school, OR eaten in a cafeteria, in a LONG time:)

Katrine said...

That is hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Haha! That is hilarious. Pretty much any story about a visit to the OBGYN is usually entertaining!