Wednesday, April 23, 2008


I haven’t had a traditional telephone at home in four years. I hesitated going totally wireless. All four of my kids and their families were long distance, so I use my cell phone. We all use the same company, so we don't have to use our minutes and we could talk forever, all over the country. The only time I used my home phone was to order pizza or call in sick at work. Heck, I could do that from my cell, and I could save almost $50 a month by pulling the plug…so I did.

The only things I missed were the solicitors. I was on the "don’t call or your ass is going to jail" list, but once in a while someone would call wanting to invite me to the Firemen’s Ball money . I used to ask them to hold while I got my checkbook, then I would put the phone down and continue doing whatever I was doing. After a while, I would here that high-pitched sound that reminded me that I really should act my age my phone was off the hook. I loved doing that….it’s the only thing I missed.

So now I get a few annoying email solicitations a week. Most of the junk email I get is easily recognizable, in my Junk folder, and very generic. Yesterday I got one that was different. It was from a lawn aeration company in Denver, CO.

Now, I live in an apartment in Central Texas. We have a lot of lawn here. Well kept, lush, green lawn, and it’s probably aerated because if it’s not, then it probably won't need it.

I’d like to share portions of the e-letter with you. Just for the record, I haven’t changed anything. I added some editorial comments…and cut out some of the redundant sales pitches to shorten it a bit, but the rest is real.

Hi Janice,
Yep, that’s me

I am the owner of Mile Hi Aeration. We are the company that aerates the lawn in the spring. We are scheduling your block for the middle or so of the month.
Huh? My block? the middle of the month? Okie Dokie.

Nothing is more important to the health of your lawn than spring lawn aeration.
I am still running the 1/2 price spring fertilizer special with the deep plug lawn aeration to my repeat customers only (DEEPEST PLUGS IN TOWN GUARANTEED)
You remember me? I’m a repeat? Lucky me.

Mile Hi is also offering LIQUID LAWN AERATION available to our residential customers. LIQUID LAWN AERATION has been used on golf courses and won't leave those messy plugs all over the grass.
Wow, liquid aeration in place of Air aeration? And no messy plugs…huh?

If you would like to schedule LIQUID LAWN AERATION CLICK HERE
If you would like to schedule DEEP PLUG AERATION CLICK HERE
If you would like to schedule any of our other services like: CLICK HERE
As always, I greatly appreciate your continued business and look forward to seeing you soon

Mile Hi

Metro Area - 303-778-XXXX
Colorado Springs - 719-578-XXXX

Sure, Ted……my continued business? Oh, and as usual, enjoy the drive down to my block next month….all the way from Denver!

The Company name is real. I did however remove the "click here" links and X out the last four digits of the phone numbers. I mean, I don't want my friends in California or Massachusetts calling Ted and taking all his good openings.


heartshapedhedges said...

What a novel little business, lawn aeration. And to think Ted also does carpet and window cleaning, he sounds like a real handy guy.

I get a lot of junk email for "grass seeds", honest, almost as many as those spam pharmaceutical sales. Who knew that one could have a future in the grass business.

By the way, fixed the link to your page from mine.

Anonymous said...

I don't know about aerating lawns but I do love me some Subway! Right now it's $5 for a full foot long sandwich.


Anonymous said...

Good ol' Ted. He's lucky to have such a loyal customer like you!

Check my calendar again! The icon was the only close choice. I'm not saying your old!!!

And Veronica's mom gave her that money to give to me 2004!!!