Wednesday, January 13, 2010

An Open Letter to Facebook



Dear Facebook,

After being pushed and proded by friends and family who would love to know every detail of my life, and share every detail about theirs,  I finally signed up.   Now, it's not exactly my cup of tea, but I have to admit, I do like the Bejeweled Blitz game and Scrabble.

I find it handy that you send me an email everytime one of my grandchildren is constipated  wins a game and  their parents updates their page with the good news! 

However, I do find it a bit over the top that you also find it necessary to alert me on my iPhone everytime anyone has an epiphany to share with the world.

OK, so I can learn to live with those annoying wonderful features.  The main thing I'm having trouble with are some of your ads in the sidebar.   Here's an example of the ads you find necessary to share with me.




Oh goodie!    Congress wants to give me money?   Are you sure?   Who told them I was a senior?  This is great news, so I'm counting on you, Facebook to send me an email and sound the ringtone on my iPhone as soon as my check is in the mail. 







How clever is this?   A stairlift!   Once again, Facebook, you missed the boat.  I don't have stairs, but I sure wish we had  something like this while I was still working.    Climbing eight floors of stairs was a bi&*ch every time we had a fire drill or the elevators were out of order.




Did someone tell you I needed a new bathtub?   I do like the idea of  the walk in feature.   How many people does it hold?  And the free shipping isn't really much of an incentive. Free installation might be. 




Yeah.... THIS one takes the cake!  You really went over the top with this one, Facebook!   I find it rude and insensitive that you insist on bringing my dearly beloved DECEASED mother, Rita, into your ad campaign.   You are referring to my mother, right?






Really?   You think this guy would be a match for me?    Now that would be special.








NO!  GET OUT!   Now you are really getting my heart pumping.   This guy Googled me?   For real?  Be still my heart!








This one takes the cake.    Facebook, I'm really sorry but I have never filled out a date card.  I can only imagine what nuggets of information you would want.  hmmmmm.......

Ok, I like Velveeta on just about everything except ice cream.  

I go bananas, and could spend hours in Big Lots. 

I bring my own snacks to the movies unless someone else wants to buy me stuff. 

I pick my toes sometimes when no one is looking, and some people say I snore.   

I think that about does it. 

Love, 

Grandma J


Does anyone else get these ads on Facebook?   Is Grandma J the only person on earth that thinks Facebook is a bit annoying?


23 comments:

Jen said...

You must have made a mistake when you entered your birthdate.

The Incredible Woody said...

I thought it was annoying until I found the section where I could turn off the emails being sent. It is under the Settings tab and then Notifications. That change helps A LOT!!

Linda said...

You actually read the ads? Maybe I need to read them!

I like FB, and I stalk all my kids' friends and what they have say!

big hair envy said...

My favorite ad is the one that says that women between the ages of 40-43 can go to nursing school (there's a shortage, you know) and will make $120,000.00 per year in just 18 short months.

Really? Tell that to my friends/family who are in that profession!!!

My Metabolic Rate is Stuck said...

LOL! I am so hooked on the farm games that I have to literally shut down my computer to get away from it!To Top it all off...my butt has spread 2 feet...lack of exercise!

Busy Bee Suz said...

I have the SAME guy googling me too. stalker.
My favorite ad: Obama wants ME to go back to school.
I hated school the first part of my life, I certainly don't want to go back!!!

mom x 2 said...

You can turn off the notification emails. Best move I ever made.

I stalk my kids friends too... Helps me make sure my own kids are staying out of trouble.

Don't read the ads, but sincerely HATE when I accidently click on one and all of the sudden I am at some borderline porn site... Do they think I need to be there? And are they on my kids site?

Uh oh....

Mental P Mama said...

I cannot answer that because my dog has taken over my facebook activities....

The Incredible Woody said...

I have one of those wireless printers that I can't seem to make wireless. Everyone says it is easy to do but...

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

What's wrong with Velveeta on ice cream?

Daisy said...

I used to live fairly close to a Big Lots and would go nuts in there sometimes too! We moved though, so now I haven't been to one in years. :D

Anonymous said...

I think I'd like one of those chair lifts.

So, have you checked out the guy who Googled you?

Colin

Holy Crappers said...

Sometimes those ads alert me of an item that I didn't know existed. Like the fart bank , everytime you insert coins, its sounds a different and unique fart. Of course I bought it!

Try FARKLE on facebook,,,,it's a mindless dice game, I'm hooked.

#1

Cortney said...

Haha! I get some crazy ads too. There is one all the time about a dating site for big women. I'm like really - how do you know that I'm a big girl??!?!

hollywood said...

Ohh, I am finding you on Facebook. Make your Facebook email alerts spam. That is what I did, cause it was driving me nuts. I was quite pleased to see FB realized when I crossed the 35-39 range (Obama was wanting me to go to college) and now at 40-44 he is still wanting me to lose weight AND go to college.

Make me your FB buddy and we can compete in Bejeweled!

Deb said...

As I read your post this morning (and spit my coffee from my mouth because I am laughing so hard!) I, too, find these little ads annoying. Which is why I always click on end this ad because it annoys me!
By the way, if you receive any of that info on the tub, please forward it my way!
Have a lovely day!

Daryl said...

this is a brilliant post .. now go adjust those settings .. you can eliminate a lot of those alerts .. honest!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

OmGoodness. I am rolling in the floor! I love me some Big Lots too!
<><

Cassie said...

How funny is that? I actually never pay attention to any ads. They are probably there but I just don't see them. I actually hate facebook, but it's the only way some of my friends and relatives will keep in touch. Sad.

Dawn said...

i love your letter to facebook! i was a fb hater a while back, but i have come to enjoy it. since i learned about bejeweled blitz! i spend hours on that... and the emails were annoying me too, until i found out i can just reply to them and they magically appear on fb! i'm going to start checking out the ads... i might need one of those fancy bath tubs :)

HalfAsstic.com said...

I KNOW! I feel like those people are spying on me everytime I go on there!
You know why you got all the geriatric ads, don't you? You're being "Grandma" J and all. They use it as a key word and run with it. It's kinda creepy, hun?

TSannie said...

To make the very best mac 'n cheese just add a whole bunch of the very best cheese in the entire world - that would be Velveeta - to your pot of Kraft M & C. Oh, and a lot of black pepper.

Only 7 more months!

Sally said...

THE funniest post I've ever read. :)