The Rita Chronicles

It's Mothers Day, and to celebrate with all of you, Grandma J wants  to share her Mother's Day Post from Mothers Day 2009.  The Rita Chronicles.  Some of you probably remember some of the memories I've shared, but I'd like to reminisce because Mother's Day  without  Rita is like apple pie without ice cream, or lawns without sprinklers.

So, please take a few moments to walk down memory lane with me as I remember some of my fondest memories of Rita.  And, please let me know which episode you liked the best....or not.

The Rita Chronicles  here.

 Happy Mothers Day to you, and you , and especially you! 

XOXO  Grandma J

Tuesday Trivia........on Wednesday

Yeah, as Rita would say, always a day late and a dollar short.   But Grandma J never really gave much credence to such silly talk.   Besides, sometimes we sleep in  get  sidetracked.  So, instead she will continue with her trivia x 2 to make up for her tardiness.

First things first.....Grandma J is humbled by all the well wishes for her migraine.   Seriously, it knocked the beegeezus out of her.   The funny thing is, she gained .6 lbs.    But the point is, thank you all for being there.

Grandma J went to see a "special" headache doctor in Austin because the vet recommended him.   He gave Grandma J some samples of a wonder drug, and a prescription to fill.   Grandma J went home, took the medicine and went to bed.  After three doses and plenty of ice cream sleep, she feels fine.   

The headache doctor did mention acupuncture as an alternative to drugs if the headaches come back frequently.   Since Grandma J is already overly medicated doesn't like to take drugs,   she looked up acupuncture in her home town.  She found one really close to JJ's day care, so she drove by and thought maybe she had the address wrong, so she double checked.  The address was right, and this is what she saw...........

OK......raise your hand if you think Grandma J should try acupuncture.   AND.....do you think it's cheaper during happy hour?

Tiptoe Through the Sprinklers

We all have memories of  things we did as kids to cool off. 

When Grandma J was a kid we had a little pond that all the neighborhood kids would  splash around in.  This was without parental supervision.  Some of us couldn't swim!  We all survived.

There wasn't such a thing as bottled water.   When frolicking in the summer sun got us all hot and thirsty, it was the rubber garden hose that quenched our thirst.

One thing Grandma J did was still popular when her own kids were young.

Like playing in the sprinklers with the little boy next store. 

This activity isn't recommended for adults.   Grandma J knows what she's talking about....she told you all about Rita's incident   three years ago.   It's a perfect example of why sprinklers aren't for sissy adults.

An Open Letter to Facebook



Dear Facebook,

After being pushed and proded by friends and family who would love to know every detail of my life, and share every detail about theirs,  I finally signed up.   Now, it's not exactly my cup of tea, but I have to admit, I do like the Bejeweled Blitz game and Scrabble.

I find it handy that you send me an email everytime one of my grandchildren is constipated  wins a game and  their parents updates their page with the good news! 

However, I do find it a bit over the top that you also find it necessary to alert me on my iPhone everytime anyone has an epiphany to share with the world.

OK, so I can learn to live with those annoying wonderful features.  The main thing I'm having trouble with are some of your ads in the sidebar.   Here's an example of the ads you find necessary to share with me.

Oh goodie!    Congress wants to give me money?   Are you sure?   Who told them I was a senior?  This is great news, so I'm counting on you, Facebook to send me an email and sound the ringtone on my iPhone as soon as my check is in the mail. 

How clever is this?   A stairlift!   Once again, Facebook, you missed the boat.  I don't have stairs, but I sure wish we had  something like this while I was still working.    Climbing eight floors of stairs was a bi&*ch every time we had a fire drill or the elevators were out of order.

Did someone tell you I needed a new bathtub?   I do like the idea of  the walk in feature.   How many people does it hold?  And the free shipping isn't really much of an incentive. Free installation might be. 

Yeah.... THIS one takes the cake!  You really went over the top with this one, Facebook!   I find it rude and insensitive that you insist on bringing my dearly beloved DECEASED mother, Rita, into your ad campaign.   You are referring to my mother, right?

Really?   You think this guy would be a match for me?    Now that would be special.

NO!  GET OUT!   Now you are really getting my heart pumping.   This guy Googled me?   For real?  Be still my heart!

This one takes the cake.    Facebook, I'm really sorry but I have never filled out a date card.  I can only imagine what nuggets of information you would want.  hmmmmm.......

Ok, I like Velveeta on just about everything except ice cream.  

I go bananas, and could spend hours in Big Lots. 

I bring my own snacks to the movies unless someone else wants to buy me stuff. 

I pick my toes sometimes when no one is looking, and some people say I snore.   

I think that about does it. 

Love, 

Grandma J


Does anyone else get these ads on Facebook?   Is Grandma J the only person on earth that thinks Facebook is a bit annoying?

Happy Mother's Day, Rita

Today it's all about Rita. She was the mother of five rowdy brats and I know my brother is treating her like a queen today.

Some of you know some of the silly and not so silly things Rita has done, but some of you don't. Here are the links to my posts about Rita.

The Rita Chronicles, Part I
The Sprinklers

The Rita Chronicles, Part II
Pumping Her Own Gas

The Rita Chronicles, Part III
Bus v. Rita Incident

The Rita Chronicles, Part IV
The Enforcer

Happy Mother's Day, Mommy...I love you and miss you!

*Here's a list of special freebies for all the mom's in Southern CA. See? Grandma J is always looking out for her homies.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME....almost

On March 16th, I put my very first blog entry on the Internet. Up until then, I was happy being a commenter on other blogs. A few people kept bugging me....saying things like, "hey get your own blog", and "quit hogging everyone's bandwidth with your silly off topic comments". So I eventually got the hint and jumped in.....

Remember when I looked like this?

Four of those blogs were my commenters that first day in the history of Grandma J. Heartshapedhedges, is my daughter and her blog sprung forth from her son's Caringbridge site (yeah leukemia survivor!). LMNOP, is another blogger crossover from Caringbridge, (whose daughter is also a leukemia survivor). Then The Cortney Chronicles is a follower of HSH and LMNOP, and My Training Adventures, a wonderful marathon fundraising woman who I met through her support of several Caringbridge sites.

So there you have it...my first four commenters. The amazing thing is, after reading that pitiful first post, all four still come back a year later. So thank you....to those first four, and the other two rest of you who check in on a regular basis to see if I'd been committed kicked the bucket, or to be more politically correct, dove into the deep end.

Over the last year, I have posted 380 entries, with 64,879 visitors. Ok, I know, there was that day back in July when I have over 15,000 hits! All because Michael K from dlisted put a link to my Shamwow testimonial on his site. Just because of that I'm now engaged to best buds with Nick, who lives somewhere in the Heart of Dixie in Charleston....with his new puppy. I've also become good friends with Hollywood, who really lives in Albuquerque. Ummm, where's that blog of yours Hollywood?

Now, here's the exciting part that includes all of you. Yes even you, and you too. Over the past year, I've reviewed several movies, given testimonials on a plethora of products. God, thank you for the word plethora, I love it more than you know.

I've keep you abreast of current events...like the Yearning For Zion dilemma here in Texas, and the tragic toilet malfunction on NASA's space station. I've talked about my grandchildren and JJ til I'm blue in the face....with much more to tell you! You know all about my Uncle Jack, and the escapades of my Mother, Rita. I've discussed personal stuff like my sex life colon, pinkie finger, and mustache.

Several times over this past year I have honored our Service Men and Women...specifically my son-in-law, 1SGT John, who is currently serving his third tour of duty in Iraq.

I took a road trip to visit Cortney and Briana here in Texas, and I met up with Jason, Pumpkin Delight, and Hula Hank in Los Angeles. I'm trekking to Virginia in July to partake in the Virginia Blogfest hosted by Big Hair Envy, and Chesapeake Bay Woman.

With all of this in mind, I want you to tell me which post you liked the best. I know, they all kind of blur together. But seriously, I have to know....so take a minute to jog your memory or look in the archives. I'll make it worth your while with a contest/drawing.


That's right, a $50 gift card from Bed Bath and Beyond. the winner will be picked by a random picker thing on March 16th....the anniversary of the day everyone's Grandma J's world changed....forever.

The Rita Chronicles Part IV
Rita The Enforcer

It's been a while since I've told you anything about Rita's exciting, exotic hard working life.

Rita went from being a stay at home mom and wife, to a widowed mom and student at the age of 51. She got her Real Estate License and had a wonderful successful career for many years. When she retired from Real Estate...she took up the mantra of the yellow police vest in Huntington Beach CA....

Crossing grade school kids every morning bright and early. Rita was a rule follower all her life, and so, when she raised her red stop sign, she expected the students to follow the rules.

Her first assignment was a crosswalk near an elementary school that was close to the high school. This meant that she would be crossing teenagers as well as grade school students. Of course these older students knew the rules so Rita didn't think they would be a problem. Besides Rita raised five teenagers and just because they gave her some lip once in a while, didn't mean she wasn't cool enough to handle some students she was stopping traffic for.

That first day, as she stepped off the curb, wearing her yellow vest with the word POLICE on the back, and her arm raised high, displaying her red stop sign....some teenage boys came racing up...Rita bellowed into the wind for them to hear.

"Walk your bikes, boys......no riding skateboards in the crosswalk"

only to have one of them say, "F&*% you, old lady".

Poor Rita was devastated! She knew she had to report this behavior....but she hated doing it...because she wanted to get along with all the students. When she relayed the incident, she was told to ignore the older kids...and she did. No more incidents.

Rita loved her new job and keep it for many years. She loved the kids, and they loved her...giving her all kinds of interesting gifts. One Christmas a little kindergartner gave her a pair of lacy underwear..it was obvious they weren't new, and his mother had no idea he had "re-gifted" her underwear.
Rita loved getting paid for two hours in the morning and two more in the afternoon, even though she worked less than an hour each shift. In CA you have to get paid a minimum of two hours per shift...sweeeeet! This meant Rita was an early bird shopper...getting to the stores before they opened.

As most of you know,Grandma J was a public servant, and because she worked hard(ly), she had every other Friday off, she would take her dog, Charlie to go see his grandma Rita at her "work" in the afternoon. The three of them would cross the kids together.

Grandma J always wanted pictures....but Rita didn't want any at all! Grandma J did capture a couple of Charlie and Rita in Rita's car...waiting for the afternoon shift to begin.


As soon as Rita saw the camera...UP WENT THE STOP SIGN! So, this is the best I can give you of Rita on the job! Yeah, I know, it's a picture of a picture because my scanner is on the fritz.

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS 2009



I'm in the process of compiling a list of things I resolve to do....or not. I thought I would share with you what I've tentatively come up with so far:


Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump...how can we forget when Rita forgot to replace the nozzle!


Always "check for paper" when leaving the restroom.

If I'm having a bad day, don't take it out on others.


Make every effort to drive closer to the speed limit


Never ever park your BMW next to a fire hydrant.


Always make sure your foot is on the brake, and not the accelerator when you are behind a transit bus. Otherwise, just tell the cops you are Shirl the girl.....Rita's sister.

Try and schedule at least one field trip for your pooch.

And last but not least......

Your mother wasn't kidding when she reminded you to always wear clean underwear, "just in case" you play twister.

Do you have any resolutions you want to share?

The Reason For The Season

or, these are a few of my favorite things.

Thirty five years ago, I friend gave me a beautiful gift that she spent numerous hours making. I have cherished these pieces and love to display them....and display them I do......year 'round.

The details are spectacular and the picture doesn't do them justice. My friend said she was going to make me add-on pieces every year for Christmas...but I said no. I love the Holy Family and wanted to keep the Nativity simple, and so it is to this day. I move it to my coffee table for Christmas, but it's so beautiful, I display it all year.

My middle daughter knew how much I loved my three piece Nativity, and decided to get me a beautiful Austrian Crystal one when they were stationed in Germany ten years ago.

It's just as beautiful and lovely, and I display it year 'round, and put it front and center with the ceramic one for Christmas.

My third Nativity is my pewter, stained glass plate that my mother, Rita gave me. It has over two hundred different colors but it doesn't photograph well....but it's another of my favorite things.

Do you have a special gift from years gone by that you display front and center every Christmas?

Disclaimer....While these are some of my favorite things, the ornaments on my tree are on even par with my nativities.

VINTAGE THINGIE THURSDAY

It's time again for Vintage Thingie Thursday! Head on over to Confessions of an Apron Queen and sign up to participate. If you like vintage stuff, you will find a whole plethora of amazing websites that are participating with great stuff.

This week I want to share a pewter Christmas plate that my mother, Rita gave me.


It is stain glass with over 200 different colors. The photos don't do it justice. If I use the flash it looks like thin plastic.

If I don't the colors aren't very brilliant. In person the colors are very rich.


Now, this isn't vintage in the sense of being antique. It's the United States Historical Societies 1983 Christmas Plate replica from St. John's Cathedral, New Orleans, Louisiana. The border is very detailed, and it's numbered.

So, if you really, really want to see it in it's glory, you have to come here to the compound. I'll not only feed you, I'll let you use my noodle in the pool. Yes I will.

****************************************************
**Another BBAD excerpt....Renny knocks on the bathroom door (water closet), Jerry doesn't answer so she thinks it's empty. She comes laughing into the living room where Dan and Memphis are. Jerry comes out and she yells at him;

"Jerry, please answer when I knock on the bathroom door."

J: "You barely knocked, and I was getting ready to answer you when you opened the door."

R: laughing, "You guys wanna know what Jerry looks like when he pee's?"

J: "Never mind Renny."

D: "No, Renny, please, no."

R: "Look guys, he does this....she puts one hand on her hip and the other one holding on to an imaginary piece of equipment, rocking back and forth." LOLOLOL

J: "Renny, your full of s**t."

THE FACES OF ME

I was trying to sneak by you all today and not post. But my good friend Postcard Cindy, who doesn't have a blog yet, was disappointed, and then Kim at Heart Shaped Hedges went and blabbed and wished me a Happy Birthday.

That still didn't make me feel too guilty about not posting today. I mean seriously people I'm flattered, but get a life out there and enjoy your Holiday Weekend. So along comes Rebeckah at Life With Kaishon, and then Chesapeake Bay Woman Life in Mathews and Cortney at the Cortney Chronicles, whining about no post wishing me a Happy Birthday!

OK, I'm not making excuses, but I was gone overnight with my granddaughter and her little brother JJ. Today, I spent part of the day washing, ironing and packing up some clothes to mail to CA. It's cheaper than taking my summer stuff like bikinis and thongs to Alaska and pay for a second piece of luggage. When I get to CA I will mail my snow suit and warm weather clothes back to TX.

So, yes, it's my birthday. I will share a few pictures of me that I was able to find. I only have a few of my childhood pictures, and they weren't scanned so I did the best I could to get them on here.


This is me the first time I was a butterball. Rita knit my hat and sweater...not that you can see them very well.



Then at the age of seven I made my First Communion. Once again, Rita took control of all the details and gave me a perm. She also made my cotton eyelet dress with the big collar. I'm not complaining, but ask any Catholic girl who's preparing for her First Communion......it's all about chiffon and organdy stuff....like a mini bride. Brides don't wear cotton.



So how do you like my "do" in 1962?


Is this one in 1982 any better?



This is me when I retired last year.
and of course this is me now.


Those funky pictures are from www.yearbookyourself.com check it out and see how you looked.

If you're a Big Brother fan, Jerry fell in the pool today!! He backed up and went right into it.

The Baron, Part III



As Etta got older, Jack liked getting away from home more and more. It was a mixed bag because he worried about his mother, but on the other hand, neither one of them drove, and Etta didn’t have the same appetite for recreational activities as she used to. Jack was very high energy, and let’s face it, Etta had her circle of friends in the condo complex, and her daughter Ruth close by (Rita and Jacks’ sister), but there wasn’t much in the way of activities for Jack.

I lived by the beach, as did Rita and my siblings, so there were a host of people to entertain Jack and places to take him out and about……Mr. High Society.

Jack came down to the beach one particular weekend in October. We had just learned that my paternal grandmother Margaret, had geriatric leukemia. She was in the hospital getting transfusions. From what I remember that was basically the way that type of leukemia was treated. She never got chemotherapy, just transfusions every few months, and lived a pretty normal life for about 3 more years, dying at 93.

Jack always referred to my paternal grandparents as Mr. & Mrs. ___, and loved them to death. They loved him too, and used to invite Jack to their farm in Massachusetts when they were younger. I told Jack, that we could go see my grandfather, Joseph, after dinner and visit for a while. Remember, Jack loves to socialize. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are.

It was a Friday night, Jack helped me make dinner, and one of his favorite things in the whole wide world was coffee…real coffee….with caffeine. And if he could sit around and chit chat with a bunch of women, all the better. Etta didn’t drink coffee so Jack had one cup of instant decaf every morning. That was it. But, when Jack came to my house, he knew we had the real deal.

That evening we had a serious issue. Do you remember the old perculators? And do you remember the Maxwell House commercial that showed the glass knob on top, and the music would go “blup blup blub” as the coffee bubbled up(with rhythm of course)? Jack loved it, and because I loved Jack, I usually used my Corning ware perculator just for him. God how he loved watching that coffee perk! Oh, and it was caffeinated coffee….Etta be damned!

Did you notice I said “I usually use my Corning ware perculator”? That’s because that particular night I couldn’t find the glass knob that fits in the lid. I made the coffee in my Mr. Coffeemaker instead. Jack was ok with that, but asked if we could go to Sav-On’s after visiting my grandfather, and see if they have the replacement part.
I said yes, if he promised to say “no thank you” to any offers of refreshments from my grandfather, we could stop and pick up a Marie Calendar pie to take home, and have with some freshly perked coffee. I didn’t want my grandfather waiting on us. We weren’t staying long, but I knew he’d offer, and Jack is not above jumping at the chance to have a little snack….even though we just had dinner.

Everything was settled. My husband gave the four kids their baths and got them ready for bed while Jack and I went over my Grandfather’s house.

As we were walking up the sidewalk, Jack said “Poor Mrs. _____”.

I said, “I know, Jack, but let’s not talk about it in front of Mr._____ because he’s not taking it well.”

As I rang the door bell, you won’t believe what Jack said! He looks at me and said. “I wonder if he knows she’s a goner?”

We didn’t stay long, thank God! Joseph was doing OK. He talked to Margaret on the phone, and she was in good spirits. All was well.

I was proud of Jack keeping his zipper shut and not saying anything to upset Joseph. He wouldn’t intentionally hurt him, it’s just that Jack thrived on that kind of thing, and loved to talk about sickness, funerals, and hospitals.

As a side note, we had a code that we used to get Jack to put a plug in it, or zip it. We would look at him and say, “ PRESSURE COOKER”. Use your imagination….and I won’t have to tell you about the time Jack was at Rita’s and Rita was cooking corned beef in her pressure cooker, and that there was a malfunction, and the lid to the pressure cooker ended up stuck in the ceiling. Nope, I can’t tell you that story. Because Jack’s already told the whole world. And when it’s time to shut up…we remind him by saying PRESSURE COOKER.

We went to Sav-On’s and got a glass knob for the perculator, and then we stopped off at Marie Calendars and got a nice French Apple pie.

When we got home, the kids are all upstairs in bed. My husband was asleep on the couch with the TV on. I started to make the coffee, and Jack asked me if he should wake up my husband, who for the sake of this story is named Fred. I told Jack to let Fred sleep until the coffee was done. Well, Jack wasn’t very patient….he paced back and forth between the kitchen and the family room. Finally, I told him he could wake Fred up.

The next thing I heard was Fred scream….he came staggering into the kitchen in a haze. I asked him ”what happened?”

He said Jack put his face right up against his, and whispered, “Freddie, Freddie” and as he started to open his eyes, Jack yelled ”PIE!”

Tomorrow is Vintage Thingy Thursday. Stop by and see one more of my prize possessions. If you ask me if you can have it when I die, you get nothing. Just saying.