Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Rita Chronicles: Part II

Towards the end of the 70’s real estate was booming in Southern California and Rita's career was becoming pretty lucrative. She liked treated herself to the luxuries she could never have as a stay at home wife and mother.

Rita found a really good deal on a classic 60’s something Lincoln Continental. When I say “classic”, I mean a real classic in mint condition and loaded with all the extras. It was a hard-top convertible, and the hard-top retracted into the trunk area like this.

See what I mean? I couldn’t even find a picture of the hard-top version. At least I don't think this is a hard top in the picture.

Rita had a newer car, but she loved tootling around town in her gas guzzling Lincoln. Frequently putting the top down, then back up...they back down. It wasn’t unusual for Reet to do this as she sat in traffic. How else would people be able to turn green with envy watching her hard-top recess into her trunk at the push of a button.

Back then, most service stations where just that, service stations with full service. The attendant pumped your gas, washed your windshield, checked your oil and water levels, and at one particular Phillips 66 station, the attendant opened your front door, asked for your ashtray to empty, and vacuumed the floor under your feet. NO KIDDING!

On this particular day, Rita pulled into a local gas station with her Lincoln. Now, I don’t know what was going through her mind, maybe the fact that the attendant probably didn’t know what a gem he was servicing....the car, not Rita. But while the ethyl gasoline was flowing into the gas tank, and the attendant was washing the windshield, Reet decided to show off and lower the top on her classic Lincoln Continental...

What happened wasn’t pretty. It was unbelievable. As the trunk started to tilt up, and the back end lowering towards the bumper, it broke the nozzle off into the Lincoln’s gas tank, which is centered on the back of the car, right under the trunk. The hose! Picture a garden hose on full blast flying through the air like a boa constrictor on steroids. The hose was flipping back and forth, spewing gas all over the place.

Rita thought this whole episode was the station’s fault, they said it was Rita’s fault. They were right. In the end, I don’t know how it was resolved, but it was, and Reet still frequented that service station.

*Disclosure: Once again, no animals, grandmothers or gas station attendance were permanently hurt or injured in anyway. Just slightly embarrassed, but more than willing to tell everyone they knew, including the folks at the local car wash what happened.


Katrine said...

I love Rita!

Karen said...

That's funny. I want Rita's Lincoln!

Anonymous said...

LOL Rita Rocks!


heartshapedhedges said...

My favorite car was the navy blue mercedes. She let me take the test for my driver's license in that, and boy did I feel special. One problem, was that the blinkers didnt work, so I had to manually move the lever up and down, up and down, so that I didnt get marked down on my test (if the DMV knew it wasnt working, they wouldnt have let me drive it!)

Rita was a good sport, and also fun to laugh at (er, I mean, laugh "with")

And...who was it that got 2-3 hundred dollar bills, and was so excited that they thew them into the air with glee.....only to have one sail away in the wind, into the river bed on the other side of the house (and never to be found again.) ?? was that Beach Bum?? or did Rita have a hand in that??

Pleasing Procrasinator said...

Rita is Great!! LOL.

The Nanny said...

Oh, funny

M said... can't be the name cuz I can't top that one!

jlo said...

Great story!!

Jason, as himself said...

Man...that could have gotten ugly! Lucky Rita!

Unknown said...

So freakin' hilarious! That just made my day!

Caution/Lisa said...

I don't even know if that's something I could have enjoyed watching because I would have been thinking, "That's something I normally do." God bless Rita!

Keeper Of All Things said...

Poor Rita...I'm with her. Totally their fault..

beachbum said...

so does Sharron now have the Lincoln?? Yes I must confess it was me and it was 5 hundred $$ all one hundred dollar bills. Long story short one got caught in a updraft and was never to be seen again (? or did someone snag it ?). As for the gas pump thing that also happened to me in another classic the GREMLIN this day the gas attended asked me to pull around for my drive thru carwash and I pulled up the whole pump lol they had to turn the main switch and close the whole station down for days which back in 1974 with everyother day lines was not good...........the apple doesn't fall far from the tree for sure. Love Ritas favorite Daughter,


by the way Oregon does NOT let you pump your own gas (smile)

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

My head hurts from laughing, Grandma J., and this is the second day in a row from you.

I truly, truly heart Rita (I also have always thought that name is beautiful). I must hear more.

My Laugh Control Center demands it.

Unknown said...

Beachbum, I don't know who has the Lincoln. It did make it's way to the East Coast vultures many years ago.
CBW, I have plenty more about Rita, but I hesitate letting her spirit hijack my blog. Although I do have a real whopper about the time she tangled with a bus...a big bus. The law got involved. I also have a wanted poster with a $50 reward for my grandfather! Oh Lord help us all.

Pumpkin Delight (Kimberly) said...

I love Rita! She's a kick. Keep the stories coming.

Anonymous said...

Grandma J, I found you via comments over at Foolery's place.
Being the curious soul that I am, I wandered over and glad that I did. Great story of Rita and her Lincoln. Times are changing aren't they? Now the attendants sit behind bullet proof glass. But all in all, I'm still ever the optimist, well, not actually, maybe half the time.
Thanks for your time.

foolery said...

is what
Olivia the Pig
would be
if she ever
(and I mean that in the nicest way)

Thanks for three big laughs today, Grandma J, as I read all three at one sitting!