Monday, July 21, 2008

The Rita Chronicles Part III
Bus v. Rita Incident

*a pre post disclaimer....I wasn't planning on doing another Rita episode, but the thought of someone laughing like a hyena was enough incentive to scratch my post about my weight loss program and oblige my reader....yeah, I'm doing this for one friggin reader.

Rita had a nice new Mercedes, back in the late 70’s when things weren’t too politically correct, and people weren’t sue happy…thank God! Because Rita’s driver’s license had expired. But she was a busy successful Realtor, and every time she planned on going to the DMV, something came up… getting her car washed or something.

One day, early in the morning, Rita goes to the full service car wash. As she exits the car wash, turning right out the driveway, on to a busy street, she slams into an OCTD bus stopped at a bus stop.

When Rita went to apply her breaks, she accidentally hits the gas by mistake……careening into the back of the bus. Well, she back pedals and says she barely bumped the bus.

The bus driver has all the passengers get off the bus as he calls the incident into the dispatcher, who notifies the police. Three cruisers show up, because we know they have to take statements from every single passenger, as well as the bus driver and Rita. Now Reet has to think fast, she tells the cop that someone at the car wash moved her seat back, and it changed the whole pedal configuration or something. What Rita was really trying to say was, it was a silly accident, no one’s hurt, I forgive the car wash guy, now let’s have a group hug and be on our separate ways.

The police really aren’t interested, they just want her to give them her driver’s license, and she stalls them for a bit, but they press her….she fumbles in her oversized designer purse, that doubles as a cargo barge, and mumbles, and talks about how she’s from Palm Springs, visiting her sister Rita, and how she took the car to go get coffee and donuts…blah, blah, blah. One officer is telling her that he doesn’t care who her sister is, he needs her license… she holds her chest and starts breathing heavy…she mentions her head hurting as she continues to fumble around in her purse. The cops start talking to each other. One says,
look, she’s old, the last thing we need is a heart attack victim”. So they take down her name and address in Palm Springs and inform her that she will be mailed a summons with a bail amount if she opts out of appearing in person.

She drives her car home and calls her sister, Shirl the Girl in Palm Springs…with the old “Do you want the good news first, or the bad news first?" Rita tells her sister the good news is you were in a car accident, and no one got hurt. The bad news is you rear ended a bus full of people while driving my car, and you got a ticket.

*Disclosure: Once again, no animals, grandmothers, bus passengers or cops were permanently hurt or injured in anyway. Just slightly embarrassed, but more than willing to tell everyone they knew, including the folks at the local car wash what happened.


suz said...

this is funny, I mean bad. Right?
Rita was bad. O well, maybe not so bad.
Funny story. Sounds like my MOM. She was/is a bad driver.
Love the stories!!!

M said...

OOOOOOooooooo, another thing that does not pertain to the name!- Enjoying the stories :)

suz said...

Oh, yes I know about Cocoa Beach.
I have spent many summers there....good ones too.
Love Cocoa Beach, and the whole "space coast". Nice place to live.

Pumpkin Delight said...

No, no! I am dying here. Too funny. This lady is rad! I love her. The stories are getting better and better. More, more, more!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

This one friggin reader is totally in love with Rita and your stories about her, and the hyena laughing continues.

Rita is my new hero.

GREAT story.

Anonymous said...

I must be missing something. I NEVER saw any other Rita stories!

beachbum said...

one small note Shirl the girl was in Hawaii on vacation with the boys..........Rita was quick on her feet. Her and Shirl had a good time getting $$from loan sharks in Vegas while wearing their minks..........does Rita remind anyone of LUCY

Ritas fav baby girl~Beachbum

Anonymous said...

Oh you have to tell everyone the story about your Grandpa's wanted poster. That is a great story, I love the way he was caught.

Carol Z.

Anonymous said...

You have me all addicted to the mole now and never talk about it! I was dying last night waiting to see if the train doors would open. I SO think it's Nicole (is that her name) all the drama with self-executing!

Pleasing Procrasinator said...

LMAO...I love Rita!! She is hilarious. We.want.more.Rita.

jlo said...

Deep down inside, I wish I were more like Rita. She's like a naughty alter-ego!!

Rebeckah said...

THIS was SO much better than a weight loss article : ). Although, I know anything you write will be superb and brilliant. A weight loss article might make me cry today. Or tomorrow.

Rita is hilarious. I love the silly things she does. People like her make this world a better place!

Love, FAT Rebeckah

CGS said...

Rita is funny! She definately deserves her own blog! =) Meg

Jason said...

HA! That's a good idea! Next time I get in trouble I'll just claim that I'm somebody else, and I'm just visiting my friend Jason.