"Driver, step to the rear of the vehicle"

The following entry from A-Ron's Face Book  tells you why the state trooper stopped Middle Daughter......

After questioning Middle Daughter, then A-Ron, they were sent on their way...

As A-Ron told her....it's not like you look exactly like me...I'm tanner!

We Interrupt This Blog...

.....because Grandma J, aka Grandma Deluxe, is busy popping vicodin at night, and slurping caffeine by day having fun climbing around in deep caves 75 ft. beneath Central Texas, and braving raging rivers and waterfalls.

However, just a reminder that the name of this blog, is basically ignored ask grandma j, was not an accidental fluke. So, to keep with the original intended format for just one day, Grandma J would like to answer a recently asked question....mmkay?

Pat Jenkins asks: how did a-ron do in his tourney?

Grandma J: Thank you for asking, Pat. As it turns out, A-Ron's team won every game, with A-Ron getting six doubles. Unfortunately, no one from the hometown press cared enough to follow the team to Ennis, Texas for the State finals. The coaches are putting something together for the local paper, and I will publish the link if and when they print it. In the meantime, this should tell you how excited we were.....




And, of course, A-Ron's mother takes the long way to work and back, and may never wash her car again.






No, not ever......



vacation events and activities are currently underway....stay tuned.

Moving One Car Load At A Time

Because, when you neighbor is moving at the same time, and says, "hey, let's get one big truck and my son will get a buddy and move us both."

Grandma J thought that was a pretty nice idea, and said, "I was going to hire movers because I can't be doing heavy lifting with my bad back, but if it's not too much for your son, then I'll pay him $200 but make sure he doesn't mind moving both of us."

It just so happens, the neighbors son is more than willing to move Grandma J for that amount, but it doesn't include the truck. No problem, Grandma J reserves the biggest truck....27'. But getting down to the wire, the rules changed. He'll move furniture only, no boxes, totes, drawers, computers, or other small stuff....

Now, it's all a matter of one load at a time. But when Grandma J's daughter heard that the neighbor's son decided that he wouldn't move small stuff, and no unhooking and re-hooking, or any assembly like beds was not included, she got mad. AND..... he's only making one three mile trip in the truck, well, it made her madder.

She was so mad, she told grandma J to hire her own movers out of the local paper for $60 hour, with a three hour minimum. But that wasn't an option because Grandma J already told her neighbor that maybe it was too much for her son to move them both, and she would hire her won movers....the neighbor said her son was really counting on the money, so it was too late to back out.

So, Grandma J's middle daughter took off work, and came to the rescue.




Loading and unloading all kinds of small stuff. Back and forth over and over....


And no, she's not a professional drawer stacker




And as you can see it really doesn't matter because by the looks of those drawers Grandma J is not a professional clothes in the drawer folder. Seen as she walks past the guest bedroom.




Before leaving, middle daughter wants to show off her battle scars.....


And the ones here, and here......


Especially the ones on her legs. Grandma J knows how lucky she is to have such a good daughter.


Tomorrow A-Ron has a visit to the orthodontist game on his city league team. What should be interesting is how the coach, aka Mr. Noodle, treats A-Ron. That's if the coach shows up at all. This same coach coaches A-Ron's competitive team too. Last Saturday at practice, there was an incident.

By incident, Grandma J is talking about A-Ron beating the crap out of smacking the coaches son for throwing his new cleats over the fence, and then punching A-Ron when he confronted him.

The two boys and coach were suspended for a tournament. Then the coach quit!! Then A-Ron's suspension was changed to just one day. Weather permitting, he will play on Sunday.....his birthday. I'll report back on the Wednesday night game.


* Grandma J does not condone fighting between chihuahuas teammates, or any mates.

* It was 97 degrees here today.

BUSTED

When Grandma J moved to Texas, she figured she'd get a life of her own, complete with new people in her life who mirror some that she left behind in California.

Of course, her middle daughter and family would be her core...and of course their paths would cross throughout the village.

You know what I mean, the butcher will know Grandma J wants her rump roasted, and her Middle Daughter wants hers ground.

The truant officer school will call Grandma J when the grandkids are in lock down sick, blah, blah, blah.

And of course, Grandma J goes to the same nail salon as her Middle Daughter. Remember Michelle #4? The Nail Specialist who does the best pedicures in the world? Well, evidently a whole lot of girl talk goes on between Middle Daughter and Michelle #4.



Yesterday Grandma J decided to get a pedicure...so she calls ahead because she likes "the works" and the works is named after Michelle #4....it's called "The Number Four". The Number Four involves hot rocks and hot towel wraps along with deep tissue massage and secret sauce.

During the exfoliating process Michelle starts asking Grandma J about noodles.....and she asks why Phillip Johnny Bob never comes to the salon. Yep...busted blogger. Then she laughs about the whole brouhaha on Grandma J's blog about her fat feet. Evidently Michelle took three days off work the time to read Grandma J's whole blog....all 442 entries, and twelve comments.


Then she decides to take a picture of Grandma J's feet to dispel any terminal fat foot disease worries...because according to Michelle, it's all about the angle that you take the picture from.....Ummm isn't this supposed to be a picture of my feet?

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Special Moments Like This....





........are just about the only thing that can make the rest of the world fade into the background...even if you are at a ball game, and you are supposed to be keeping the score book, and your son is pitching, and you also happen to be A-Ron's Mommy.


Or maybe it's not too late to reconsider the size of your family. Or maybe your husband has been in Iraq too long, and too many times. But........




These special moments are even more special when you know you can hand the baby back to his real mommy because you have teenagers, and you've survived so far.

FRIDAY MATINEE.....
...on any freaking day there is always a matinee worth talking about.

Grandma J had a blast on Easter Sunday. There was mass in the morning where arriving forty minutes early didn't guarantee a parking space in the church parking lot. That's because all the good friends of the Easter Bunny got there two hours earlier. These are the same friends of Santa Claus that show up on Christmas. You know where this left Grandma J. That's right, parked far away on a soft shoulder, and walking in the rain, crossing one of those dangerous FM routes to get to the church.

All was good...we ate a nice big breakfast at Cracker Barrel, then we went to the movies. The first movie of the day is cheaper, and Grandma J loves a bargain, but you knew that. Here in Central Texas, the seats in our new Cinemark 16 are only $5.50.


We went to see Observe And Report starring Seth Rogen. Yes it's rated R, and yes A-Ron and newly Permitted to Drive Granddaughter went.



We like to sit up against the handicap rail so we can kick the disabled put our feet up. That's right, Classy is our middle name.



And as you can see Grandma J had no problem asking a complete stranger to take our picture. She was slightly disappointed that he wouldn't let me use his popcorn and large Icee as props.

Oh yeah, the movie........



If you saw Mall Cop, you probably wished Paul Blart would get some balls and quit being such a wuss. Well, in Observe and Report, Ronnie Barnhardt is a vulgar, fowl mouthed, gun happy thug who is head of mall security. He is basically deranged and psycho.



He lives with his alcoholic, sleazy mother who, when asked by Ronnie if he was the reason his father left them, says "Yes".


Ronnie falls for a pretty blonde makeup girl from a kiosk in the mall similar to Paul Blart falling for the pretty girl in the wig kiosk in Mall Cop. The difference is, the makeup girl, Brandi, played by Anna Faris, can't stand Ronnie, but when she drinks she gets vulgar and raunchy.


The mall falls victim to a streaker, flasher, and this gives Ronnie the opportunity to prove that he is smarter than the detective assigned to the case. Some of his tactics are delusional and scary. I have to say, there is plenty of humor too. But there is also plenty of nudity.............


And when the streaker, who is older and fat, runs through the mall for what seemed like forever.....with us getting a full frontal view of his little noodle competing with his belly in the jiggling department...some of us laughed and someone covered their face.

Oh yeah, Ronnie shoots the streaker....and dispite all the blood and guts he is still alive, though barely.




I give this movie two out of five Easter eggs . Yeah, I thought it was that bad.

Saturday Fun

Grandma J loves nothing better than sleeping in rising at the crack of dawn to caravan down the highway for a baseball tournament.

Of course the road to fine sports and family fun goes right by Dog Ridge.

Grandma J's middle daughter loves living life in the fast lane even if it means layers of clothing topped with blankets swaddled all around her.

And no, Grandma J did not notice, nor will she comment on that man's "Mr. Noodle."

A-Roid, formerly A-Ron, with a lethal dose of McNuggets, is in rear form. Isn't it lovely what the wind can do to a full head of hair?

For some reason Middle Daughter and Michelle #2 both keep score....because the team likes to have two scorekeepers. Hello? Yeah, they like to keep two sets of books. Go ahead, your guess is as good as mine.

And because Grandma J is nothing if not kind and generous, she treated herself to her second pedicure in less days than she has toes.

Speaking of toes....OK, so no one was speaking of toes, but lets pretend we were....which leads Grandma J to this question. Does everyone anyone have hairy toes?

And, because she loves Michelle #4, she got the deluxe pedi with the leg mask and hot rock treatment. Michelle is a pro at getting blood out of a turnip.

Blowing In The Wind

I spent today at a track meet. Yesterday the temperature was in the 80's.....today it was in the low 50's....with the wind blowing at 30mph...and more!

My granddaughter..yes the one who plays basketball, ran the 100, 200, and 400 meter events. Is that what you call them? She also did the long jump.

Her mom was wrapped up tight....even though we never expected it to be so cold.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Did I tell you JJ fell out the car window? No, not my car...and he's fine...he's a tough one....scared but tough.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE GIRL

I'll never forget the day you were born. You were perfect. Not just healthy perfect, but so beautiful that my internist stopped by and would hold you and rock you ....in awe of your beauty....and that's the truth. You continue to be beautiful inside and out. I am proud of the woman, wife, mother and daughter you are today. I love you.

That's right, it's my little girl's birthday. Well, my middle daughter. Since she works long hours and yes, her husband just left three days ago for Iraq, the kids wanted to fix dinner for her. Actually, my granddaughter made the dinner with my help, and her brother decided on the menu. Stuffed baked potatoes with the works.


JJ bought his Mommy gifts and flowers.


He also bought her a tiara...

The kids were happy to smother their Mommy with love.

And when my grandson got carried away, You-know-who got jealous.

My granddaughter made a chocolate cake with ice cream filling in the center.

And yes Grandma J dove right in.....my bad!

AMERICA'S FIRST TEAM

Today was a cloudy day in Central Texas, as 1st Sgt. John, along with other members of

The First Cavalry Division deployed from Fort Hood, Texas to Iraq.

Last night we celebrated with BBQ

The family is used to deployments. This is John's third tour in Iraq, with two tours of duty in Korea sandwiched in between. That would be over five years out of the last seven away from his wife and kids.

My middle daughter will be OK

And the kids will too......because

They are close, and....

Know how to love, laugh and act silly...

I'm sure today was a day of both pride and sadness as they had their private, personal and formal good-byes. I spent the day with JJ.

Stay safe soldier, and thank you for your service, and keeping America safe and free.