FRIDAY MATINEE.....
...on any freaking day there is always a matinee worth talking about.

Grandma J had a blast on Easter Sunday. There was mass in the morning where arriving forty minutes early didn't guarantee a parking space in the church parking lot. That's because all the good friends of the Easter Bunny got there two hours earlier. These are the same friends of Santa Claus that show up on Christmas. You know where this left Grandma J. That's right, parked far away on a soft shoulder, and walking in the rain, crossing one of those dangerous FM routes to get to the church.

All was good...we ate a nice big breakfast at Cracker Barrel, then we went to the movies. The first movie of the day is cheaper, and Grandma J loves a bargain, but you knew that. Here in Central Texas, the seats in our new Cinemark 16 are only $5.50.


We went to see Observe And Report starring Seth Rogen. Yes it's rated R, and yes A-Ron and newly Permitted to Drive Granddaughter went.



We like to sit up against the handicap rail so we can kick the disabled put our feet up. That's right, Classy is our middle name.



And as you can see Grandma J had no problem asking a complete stranger to take our picture. She was slightly disappointed that he wouldn't let me use his popcorn and large Icee as props.

Oh yeah, the movie........



If you saw Mall Cop, you probably wished Paul Blart would get some balls and quit being such a wuss. Well, in Observe and Report, Ronnie Barnhardt is a vulgar, fowl mouthed, gun happy thug who is head of mall security. He is basically deranged and psycho.



He lives with his alcoholic, sleazy mother who, when asked by Ronnie if he was the reason his father left them, says "Yes".


Ronnie falls for a pretty blonde makeup girl from a kiosk in the mall similar to Paul Blart falling for the pretty girl in the wig kiosk in Mall Cop. The difference is, the makeup girl, Brandi, played by Anna Faris, can't stand Ronnie, but when she drinks she gets vulgar and raunchy.


The mall falls victim to a streaker, flasher, and this gives Ronnie the opportunity to prove that he is smarter than the detective assigned to the case. Some of his tactics are delusional and scary. I have to say, there is plenty of humor too. But there is also plenty of nudity.............


And when the streaker, who is older and fat, runs through the mall for what seemed like forever.....with us getting a full frontal view of his little noodle competing with his belly in the jiggling department...some of us laughed and someone covered their face.

Oh yeah, Ronnie shoots the streaker....and dispite all the blood and guts he is still alive, though barely.




I give this movie two out of five Easter eggs . Yeah, I thought it was that bad.

And Then There Were Three....



.....less teeth in his head!



Remember this guy? The one with the cool braces? Well his cute mouth was too small for all his teeth. So today, he bravely sat down in the chair and had them removed. Two molars and one incisor looking tooth.

Grandma J wanted to get him a treat that he could handle under the circumstances, so she called him and asked. He wanted ribs! Of course ribs were not gonna happen today.



click picture to enlarge.

...so Grandma J and Phillip Johhny Bob raced through the drive-thru at the Icee Place. Just look at all the flavors....tiger blood anyone!



We drove away with one grape and one strawberry shortcake.



Then we did our best to comfort our favorite Texan! Yes we did.

GROUP THERAPY

Have you ever been in a group therapy session? It doesn't matter what the circumstances were. Some sit around on couches and cushy chairs, some sit on pillows and mats on the floor. OK, so that's all Grandma J remembers about group therapy. Well, that and looking at all the people and trying to figure out what the h.e.double toothpicks made them so wacko. Maybe wacko is too strong a word. But it's just a people watching instinct Grandma J has....

A favorite pastime of mine, is people watching...sitting in the mall and wondering just exactly what some of the loons do for a living, or trying to imagine what kind of sex life person they are attracted to. Sometimes it's a matter of figuring out who told them they looked good in size 3X low rise hot pants red and green checkered sweats.

Anyways, Grandma J was at her daughter's house yesterday....because her granddaughter called and said she missed her wanted to have her BF over, but couldn't without an adult in the house.



Never wanting to smother her grandkids and be deemed uncool, Grandma J brought a back-up chaperone....Phillip Johnny Bob. But things got a little too quiet up in the loft....so she snuck up there to see just what the gang was up to.



This scene struck my funny bone, and the diversity of characters and intent reminded me of group therapy. click picture to enlarge
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Of course, another event made me happy and sad.....

My grandson got his braces....he's growing up fast, which of course means Grandma J is getting younger.

And.....they are the color of his favorite team..the Arizona Cardinals, red and black... and so is his new blackberry...geesh!

"...Grandma tried to poison us"


That's the message that my middle daughter relayed to me over the phone.

I told you I would report back on how my guinea pigs grand kids liked my fortune cookies. Well, here is the blow by blow, starting with my granddaughter.



first she had to open it up to read her fortune......"what? my dog is going to be a daddy? When?"

Then she took a nibble out of her cookie....

Me: So, is it good ?



Granddaughter: Uh, sure....it's good.

Me: Take another bite, then chew it and swallow.



Granddaughter: Ok....bites a tiny bite...moves it around with in her mouth.

Me: Now swallow!!

Granddaughter: I did

Me: Let me see...open wide. WIDER! lift up your tongue.

Granddaughter closes mouth, closes eyes....swallows hard!


She sits down on the stairs and JJ consoles her.

Now the boys come in. You can always count on the boys to be straight forward and tell you like it is.

Me: Hey guys, I made you some fortune cookies from scratch.



Grandson: What's scratch?

Me: That means homemade....try one. Read your fortune first.

Grandson's friend reads fortune: ...HUH! "you accidentally wake up 30 lbs lighter.."



Grandson's friend: No way can that happen, I can't lose weight and play football.

Me: How do the cookies taste.


Grandson: Gross




Grandson's friend: They taste like poison....are they poison?

Grandma J knew they were gross. They didn't look like, or taste like fortune cookies...at all!

FRIDAY MATINEE
.....on Friday

Yesterday, OK, so it wasn't Friday, I took the kids to see Hotel For Dogs. The theatre is on the sixth level of a center that has three levels of parking below it. It's escalator hell heaven for some of us. Of course, that would only hold true if the escalators are all working because they are outdoors.

I know this sounds confusing to some of you, but picture a big multi-level donut with all the activity accessed from the hole....

If you could see all six levels it looks like a kaleidoscope...which is what the center is called...which is why some tenants are leaving with complaints of terminal vertigo.

The kiddos settled in with drinks, popcorn and M&Ms....with the exception being Little One who insisted on bringing her sippy cup.

Let's review the movie, shall we?

Sixteen year old Andi and her eleven year old brother Bruce live with dysfunctional stepparents who live for nothing other than their defunct rock n roll lifestyle. This is the fourth set of stepparents for Andi and Bruce, so they don't have too many options at their ages to be placed together.

They have a dog named Friday who's been with them for three years. Friday isn't a welcome member of the family, so he sneaks up and down the side of the building in a basket that leads to the window in Andi and Bruce's shared room. After getting captured by animal control, and taken to the pound, clever Friday escapes and happens upon a deserted condemned hotel where two stray dogs live. He leads Andi and Bruce to his new hideaway, which prompts them to adopt the other two dogs.....

Georgia and Lenny. This hotel becomes a safe haven for other strays, and with the help of two teenagers who work at the pet store, they start bringing more and more strays in.

Eleven year old Bruce is a whiz kid at rigging up different devices for the dogs' entertainment, games, exercise, feeding and....

Yep..potty going.

The movie of course wouldn't be complete without a love connection, and this movie won't disappoint you because it has two!

Andi and David. David works at the pet store and drives a van similar to the one Grandma J will be driving to Virginia in July your local pet store lets their teenage workers drive.

Not to be out done...we have Romeo and Juliette.

Hotel for Dogs is predictable with run-ins with the law, social workers, and animal control....but it's cute and the dogs are adorable and funny. Little One squealed throughout the who movie...especially when the dogs pooped or pee'd barked and howled.

I give this movie five out of five doggie treats if you are under 15 or over 30, like Grandma J.

Oh and let me tell you how much fun we had leaving the Kaleidoscope Center! It was raining cats and dogs... so the escalators were turned off, and the one elevator was out of order. My deep and sincere apologies to the woman with her two children behind me on the very narrow escalator. I couldn't go down any faster with a two year old who was having a hard time on those escalator steps with her short little legs. Crying didn't speed up the process any, and you were so understanding when you explained to your own kids that you would reward them for the drenching torture they had to endure.

WHEN ICE COMES TO TEXAS



Everything is Cancelled..........except Mom's job.


Since there were no games, practices or after school jobs, and Mommy had to work late, I took my grandson on a dinner date. OK, so it was at 4:30 in the afternoon. It's iffy to be out once the sun goes down because the streets turn into sheets of ice.


We went to Cheddar's. This was my first time there. They don't have any locations west of Texas, but I have to say, they are the best restaurant here, that isn't available in CA. I think I'll be back often. The menu is large with steaks, ribs, pasta, seafood.....but tonight, we stuck with sandwiches......



These sandwiches! Actually, since neither of us wanted condiments, the roll was my only "sin".



Look who came along for the ride? The car was warm, and he had his comfy bed and a blanket...but he was took busy standing watch, and keeping bad guys away to take advantage of the comforts.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE GIRL

I'll never forget the day you were born. You were perfect. Not just healthy perfect, but so beautiful that my internist stopped by and would hold you and rock you ....in awe of your beauty....and that's the truth. You continue to be beautiful inside and out. I am proud of the woman, wife, mother and daughter you are today. I love you.

That's right, it's my little girl's birthday. Well, my middle daughter. Since she works long hours and yes, her husband just left three days ago for Iraq, the kids wanted to fix dinner for her. Actually, my granddaughter made the dinner with my help, and her brother decided on the menu. Stuffed baked potatoes with the works.


JJ bought his Mommy gifts and flowers.


He also bought her a tiara...

The kids were happy to smother their Mommy with love.

And when my grandson got carried away, You-know-who got jealous.

My granddaughter made a chocolate cake with ice cream filling in the center.

And yes Grandma J dove right in.....my bad!