THE TAIL WAGGING THE DOG
or as they say in the world of County Government, The Mailroom runs the Agency.

And that's how it seems to be. That's how it's always seemed to be all the years I worked at this particular agency. Now, no one would admit this because how embarrassing would that be for an Agency Director?

Here's a few examples to explain things to you.


This is the door to the mail room. The hours minutes posted plain as day.

The rules are simple......just because the door is closed, and you are forbidden to knock, doesn't mean you can call us or email us. It's not our fault that you have a binding contract that has to be postmarked today. And no, we really don't care that you can't predict when an earthquake will hit, or a mudslide happen. The mailroom is not responsible for acts of Mother Nature! WE AREN'T GODS!

This is they guy who makes the rules. He has worked in the mailroom for 33 years and knows his stuff so don't even try to plead with him for a favor.
These are his helpers who distribute the mail. In a pinch, you can usually locate them by finding out which floor or department is having a potluck, baby shower, birthday or retirement party. These guys can sniff out food within a three mile radius.

Now, I don't work there anymore.....I retired over a year ago. I have friends there and I like to send birthday cards to them. Oh sure, I could send them to their homes, but I don't. One reason is because they like to shout out "Oh lookie, Grandma J sent me a birthday card!" and then someone else will say, "Oh wow, did she send money can I read it?"

Yeah, they still remember me. I even make arrangements to go to the blood bank with my old donor buddy when I visit.

I know the rules and I know the mailroom opens all mail looking for money, for security reasons. And then they have Security check it out.

So, I put a message on the back of the envelopes, and of course my name and return address is on the front.....what I'm saying is....they know me!

My last birthday recipient, Xeroxed the envelope and emailed it to me saying, "Once again, the mailroom accidentally opened the card you sent." This is it! Gosh darn it, I miss those mail guys! Big time!

TO THE DOG.....

To be posted very low on the refrigerator door.

Dear Dog,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not automatically make it your food and dish. Nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. Also, it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other and stretch out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time. There is not a secret exit from the bathroom. Before you arrived in our home, I had been using the bathroom all by myself...canine attendance is not required. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.

While we are on the subject of bathroom etiquette, let me say this one more time. If and when you happen to make your way into the bathroom when I'm there.....it will never be acceptable to play tug-o-war with my undies, especially while I'm sitting on the toilet and they are down around my ankles.

Love,

Your human pack member

this was emailed to me a while back. I can't remember who gets all the acknowledgements or royalties. Therefore, give your dog an extra treat and we'll call it even.