Monday, April 13, 2009

FRIDAY MATINEE.....
...on any freaking day there is always a matinee worth talking about.

Grandma J had a blast on Easter Sunday. There was mass in the morning where arriving forty minutes early didn't guarantee a parking space in the church parking lot. That's because all the good friends of the Easter Bunny got there two hours earlier. These are the same friends of Santa Claus that show up on Christmas. You know where this left Grandma J. That's right, parked far away on a soft shoulder, and walking in the rain, crossing one of those dangerous FM routes to get to the church.

All was good...we ate a nice big breakfast at Cracker Barrel, then we went to the movies. The first movie of the day is cheaper, and Grandma J loves a bargain, but you knew that. Here in Central Texas, the seats in our new Cinemark 16 are only $5.50.



We went to see Observe And Report starring Seth Rogen. Yes it's rated R, and yes A-Ron and newly Permitted to Drive Granddaughter went.



We like to sit up against the handicap rail so we can kick the disabled put our feet up. That's right, Classy is our middle name.




And as you can see Grandma J had no problem asking a complete stranger to take our picture. She was slightly disappointed that he wouldn't let me use his popcorn and large Icee as props.

Oh yeah, the movie........



If you saw Mall Cop, you probably wished Paul Blart would get some balls and quit being such a wuss. Well, in Observe and Report, Ronnie Barnhardt is a vulgar, fowl mouthed, gun happy thug who is head of mall security. He is basically deranged and psycho.



He lives with his alcoholic, sleazy mother who, when asked by Ronnie if he was the reason his father left them, says "Yes".


Ronnie falls for a pretty blonde makeup girl from a kiosk in the mall similar to Paul Blart falling for the pretty girl in the wig kiosk in Mall Cop. The difference is, the makeup girl, Brandi, played by Anna Faris, can't stand Ronnie, but when she drinks she gets vulgar and raunchy.


The mall falls victim to a streaker, flasher, and this gives Ronnie the opportunity to prove that he is smarter than the detective assigned to the case. Some of his tactics are delusional and scary. I have to say, there is plenty of humor too. But there is also plenty of nudity.............


And when the streaker, who is older and fat, runs through the mall for what seemed like forever.....with us getting a full frontal view of his little noodle competing with his belly in the jiggling department...some of us laughed and someone covered their face.

Oh yeah, Ronnie shoots the streaker....and dispite all the blood and guts he is still alive, though barely.




I give this movie two out of five Easter eggs . Yeah, I thought it was that bad.


18 comments:

The Chocolate Lady said...

What??? Another "mall cop" movie??? how lame!

We were at the mall the other day, to see EB (waited nearly 2 hours!) and when the guy rode by on his...segway or whatever, my kids were all, "Paul Blart Mall Cop!" while they pointed, yeah,....nice.

Anyhoo....we saw Hannah Montana, rater G, although there was romance, and I didnt realize that was allowed in a G movie....

It as an Ok movie, maybe 3.5 stars, but Im still not straight on this Hannah/Myley businesses.....so, nobody knows she is really Myley, but some people do....and her hometown needs to raise $500, 000, but isnt she a multi-millionaire? or is that only in real life? And her did, Billy Ray, is named Bobby Ray in the movie...I dunno, I just dont know what is real and what is not, and it confuses me.

But anyways, glad you enjoyed Easter.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Daggone it. There's nothing more disappointing than a little noodle.

Life with Kaishon said...

I didn't see Mall Cop yet but I want to. I am glad to know you made it to Easter service. Ours was packed too. At first, I was kind of grumpy about all the cars and the far walk to church, and then I remembered that maybe some people would come to know God that day and start living for Him so I turned my frown upside down. Kaishon did NOT turn his frown upside down because he does not like to walk a long way to church. Oh well. I love that kid any way!
PS You have a beautiful family!

The Incredible Woody said...

That's about what all Seth Rogen movies are - nothing but swear words and nudity!

Pat Jenkins said...

good stuff grandma j.. i like the five easter eggs. i have been hesitant about this. didn't like superbad too well, or knocked up (i don't think he (rogan) wrote that though!). but after your "approval" i may give it a shot... ice cream sold in the movie theater? that is the first time i think i have seen that!!... do you know the old wives tale that if it rains on easter, it will rain on the next seven consecutive sundays? keep me updated to see if it comes true....

Karen said...

Thanks for saving me some $$$. I'll wait till it comes out on DVD and BORROW it from someone dumb enough to buy it!!

Linda Goossen said...

Man, I need to move to a bigger town! We used to have matinees, but the local theater stopped them because so few came. Of course, there are so few movies out there that I want to spend my money on, I guess that was okay.

Even when they come out on DVD, I don't usually see them, but since reading your posts about movies, I see that I am missing a lot. Little noodles, and all! Yuck, Yuck!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

You write the best reviews!

Busy Bee Suz said...

This is one of your best/funniest movie reviews. You cracked me up...I am glad you had a nice Easter!!!!
I took Lindsay and a friend to see Monsters VS aliens yesterday. It was pretty cute...we only had time to get to the 3 D version and I did not realize until AFTER the movie that they charge MORE for the 3D one. For a mattinee...it was $10.50 for the kids and $11.50 for ME. I was ticked off...especially since I did not want to see the 3D one anyway...yikes.

Jen said...

EEE GADS! Don't tell me streaking is coming back into fashion.

Mental P Mama said...

*snort. I have never even heard of this movie. Where was PJB?

Elm said...

Thanks to your review I'll definitely pass this movie up!

My family and I went to see Monsters Vs. Aliens and we all loved it.

M said...

...thanks for the review....won't get it when it comes out on DVD. I did just see Slumdog Millionaire...I liked it...and I teach so many Indian kids that I could relate :)

Happy Tuesday....I am off to So Cal...hope the winds on the Grapevine are not to bad!

big hair envy said...

Is it wrong that I just laughed out loud in the office when I read your description of the naked guy's noodle and belly???? Bwahahaha!!! Run on sentence, much?

Your family is just as cute as ever:)

Grandma J said...

A-Ron's ice cream cone cost $4.50.

PJB isn't allowed to see R rated movies.

Yes BHE, it's very wrong of you to laugh out loud in the office. I mean is it fair that you wake everyone up? :)

Grandma J said...

OH, and HSH, your adorable children saw Paul Blart,Mall Cop with Grandma J, and they all loved it!

Anonymous said...

janet said...
"he was still alive, but BARELY"
Hahahaheeheehohohohoohoo

KBL 2 ORD 2 SAN 2 LUV said...

Bwaa-ha-ha! I love this movie review. You should see if your local paper would use it. Hysterical. I'm a sucker for these types of movies, so I'm still going to have to check it out even though it only 2 Grandma J Easter Eggs. ;-)