When It Rains: Parts I & II




Grandma J loves nothing more that a nice strong rain, falling from the heavens to quench the thirst of Mother Nature's green acres. Yeah, I made that up....




Remember how happy Grandma J was when Mother Nature blessed this sweet little blooming weed, rescuing it from a tragic painful shriveled up death? Of course, flooding the whole friggin' swamp, previously referred to as The Spa, was part of the whole package. And, we survived!

Just as Grandma J was singing the praises of all things holy and good, Mother Nature decided to unload her whole kit and caboodle on the whole friggin' swamp.....







Isn't this special?? The water was flush with Grandma J's patio. Did Grandma J ever tell you her patio was only six feet deep?

Nope, she wouldn't lie about something that important. Looky here! This view is from inside the kitchen door! I think I'm swim on over and see if the neighbor has any extra Haagen Daz.

This is Huey, the man who does it all. Huey thought he was going home because after all it was only 8:30 P.M. Silly Huey....who would have thought the wind would decide that this was a good time to flatten the flag pole?

Because You Asked For It

That's right, the final anti-climatic chapter in As Grandma J's World Moves. To be honest, I'd rather tell you about JJ's genital warts the trip I didn't take to Denver, or the one I cancelled to Las Vegas.

Not that any of this is worth repeating, I would like to refresh the whole fiasco in bullet points from day one.

1. Grandma J decides to move out of The Compound to The Spa The names should say it all.

2. Grandma J's neighbor jumps on the bandwagon and secures herself a lease at The Spa. As casual friends, this is not a bad thing.

3. GJ mentions to Deceitful Neighbor, as she treats her to lunch at the appropriately named En Fuego, that she hates moving, and how she'll miss the luxury of her SIL moving her, but with her bad back it's worth it to hire professional movers.

4. The next day, Biotch Neighbor calls GJ all excited.....she thinks her son just might move both of them if they move on the same day. But GJ isn't sure it's fair to the son for Greedy Neighbor to put him on the spot by offering his services. She let's Chimney Smoking Neighbor know she'll pay him $200 which should make the three mile move worth taking a day off from his job at Lowe's unloading pallets.

5. The deal is sealed! Then Crafty Neighbor has a bright idea! Since GJ has an SUV, they can help each other move small stuff by using GJ's SUV to move the stuff that won't fit in Nasty Neighbor's car......like room size rugs that have birthed three litters of kitties. GJ said she really didn't think that was a good idea.

6. The next day the Sinister Neighbor calls GJ and says her son would love to move GJ, but he can't do any take downs or hook ups, like washers and dryers, or beds. And no small stuff like drawers, totes blah, blah.

7. So, Grandma J tells Evil Neighbor that maybe this is becoming too much for the son, and Grandma J will just get her own movers...for the sake of friendship.

8. "Oh No!" The Neighbor cackles! "He's really counting on the money, and already spent it."

9. Grandma J, bites her lip just to make it through....with the help of her daughter.

Now....it's moving day. Grandma J calls Sleeping Neighbor at 9:00 AM. What's up? Well it seems Mamma's Baby Boy wants to go out to breakfast to kill time because his helper doesn't get out of school until 11:00 AM. huh?

What the??? Ok, I say to myself, simmer down....relax, there is still plenty of small stuff to cart over. As Grandma J is leaving the old place on her second trip, she sees the truck pulling in....it's a little after noon. She calls Sarcastic Neighbor only to find out the "friend" baled on her Adorable Son...but fear not, another friend is on his way. GJ tells her she has to stay at the new place and wait for the cable guy who's scheduled between 1-5, but she left her place unlocked so the guys can get the furniture....One couch, one dining table (no chairs) one washer, one dryer, one full size bed (broken down) and one high boy dresser (no drawers). Six friggin pieces of furniture.

Lucky for Grandma J, they load Witchy Neighbor's stuff first, which means GJ's stuff comes off first....such a small but sweet morsel.

When they arrive, Grandma J tells Nose-bent Neighbor that there might be another new neighbor moving in because this is what was parked across from her apartment by the units under construction.....

A nice Dodge Ram pick-up with shiny chrome wheels. Irritated Neighbor tells Grandma J that the truck belongs to her poor excuse of a son. A bit confused Grandma J asks why he couldn't move her rugs and big/little stuff. The answer? Are you ready? Hopefully you are sitting down. He couldn't help because his truck is new and he doesn't want it getting all scratched up. In other words he's lazy. BTW, did Grandma J tell you she has a brand new vehicle too?

After all the moving was done, Grandma J decides to hobble to her car and drive to Walgreen's for some thermal wraps. Not so fast! Money Grabbing Neighbor calls and wants to know if Grandma J can stop over and pay for her half of the gas for the rental truck. Gee, can this wait until morning? Well no, not really.....so Grandma J walks over to Arsehole Neighbor's apartment and writes her a check for $12. That's right, the gas was $24 for driving maybe 20 miles, and that's a stretch. Grandma J had a few choice words before stomping off.

Now for the kicker? Yeah, that's right....there is another turd they dropped on my plate.

When her son took my washer and dryer out of the old apartment, he took the doors off and left them off. This is what Grandma J's laundry closet should look like.....

I called No Longer A Friend Neighbor and told her that her Loser Son forgot to put the doors back on, and could he swing by and put them up sometime over the weekend. She bluntly said, NO.

Oh, one more thing, he didn't hook up the washer and dryer in the new apartment...no he didn't. But a friend did.

Now, if you are still awake, aren't you glad you asked? The good news is, this was a good lesson.

The other good news is, Grandma J went to HEB for groceries and bought herself these....

.....and these with a pint of Haagen Daz coffee ice cream on the side.

Amen.

THE LETTER G

I was going to do the obvious and tell you all about my grandchildren...but since I already do that four days a week, I'm taking a pass. Oh, pleeeze....no need to cry, there will be plenty of posts about teenagers, toddlers and t'weens in the future.

Today is extra special because my G is all about goats......

Not just plain old pictures of goats, but an actual tutorial in true Grandma J fashion.

Are you ready? Let's get started.....

Here we have the "Total" Anatomy of a Goat from the outside. click to enlarge

You can also practice drawing a goat....adding one more morsel of talent to show off to your relatives at the next family gathering.

Did you know that your horse might want a goat to pal around with? ser.i.ous.ly.

Just maybe your boxer needs a goat to smother with hugs?

How about this cutie...Can you believe some guy traded his wife for this goat?

Throw away your expensive wrinkle erasing serum....there is such a thing as Goat Milk Soap to replace it. This gal is living proof that is can make you purty.

Wasn't that fun? You too can participate in A to Z Mondays. Go ahead, I double dare you!

THIS IS THE WAY WE WASH OUR CLOTHES

I had a poll on this site last week. It listed the gazillion different versions of Tide Laundry Detergent. It also had the option of choosing, "I don't use Tide, it's all a marketing ploy".....or something very similar. Guess what? No one picked that option!


Overwhelmingly, the most popular Tide for my readers was this one.

When you only have six readers....three seems like an overwhelming majority...yes, it does!


Then I decided to see what my mother's options were when she was a young housewife and mother of five. That would be if she used Tide...because I'm not sure she would spend that kind of money....after all, her mother used Oxydol or Dreft. If she did use Tide, it would have been this one.
Because there was only one Tide...and yes the big selling point was WITH OR WITHOUT RINSING! It says so right on the box. Can't see it? Well don't take my word for it....these ladies will tell you.





The one thing they didn't have was this!
I don't like fabric softeners...and I don't like dryer sheets...they make me itch. But this stuff smells so good you could almost have it for dessert.
But no way Jose'.


This is what's for dessert.
This is Haagen Daz RESERVE Amazon Valley Chocolate.....I had to try it...which doesn't mean I've stopped my new physical fitness program. I know there are skinny people out there and I owe it to them to bring them this Public Service Announcement....because I'm nothing if not helpful that way.

For the rest of you? Here's a coupon to use on your next purchase of Tide. Now y'all go have a nice day.