Today I Washed Windows

How is that for a title? So original, because that's exactly what I did today.

I have a total of four friggin windows and they are clean...inside and out.

Notice that my neighbor still has her incredibly ugly archway trellis thing, and nothing has grown on it in the thirteen months I've lived here. Of course I'm above pointing out my neighbors lack of taste and style...but you already knew that. I really wanted to share my new window cleaner with you....

This stuff. It is remarkable....no streaks at all, no redos! I'm guessing you are just as excited as I am..I can feel it! and notice how I shot that picture at an angle like PW does...yeah, works for her.

During my extensive shopping spree, I bought these flip flops....the only footwear that Grandma J would allow if making up all the rules in the universe was up to her. These are also the only Speedos you will ever see Grandma J wear! Except for a Speedo sports bra....and you just have to take my word on that one.
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On another subject......did anyone hear about this guy?

Man Jumps Off Taxiing Airliner


The unidentified man opened a door and slid down an inflatable emergency chute.

A 26-year-old passenger on board an American Airlines jet from Charlotte to Dallas opened a door and slid down an inflatable emergency chute Tuesday as the aircraft waited to taxi to its gate at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport.

Nick, You live in Charlotte, right? Was that you coming to see Nana J here in Texas? I miss you snookums.

The Friendly Skies

I love to fly....even if the person next to me is drunk out of their mind grasping their rosary and begging God for forgiveness.

Oh, wait, that was me.

Call it fatigue, or call it total disbelief that they still fly these props....they sputter and spit. And helllllooooooo, it looks like Texas is competing with California when it comes to air polution.

And the land below doesn't look very cushiony....giving new meaning to the flat earth theory.

Good night.

FLY THE FRIENDLY SKIES....

It seems people aren't forking over the bucks to travel for the Holidays this year. Experts say it's not that they don't have the money....they just don't want to spend it out of fear of being mugged that the economy may spiral down and knock on their back door.

The airlines are offering extremely cheap flights right now, and I've already booked two trips for the upcoming year for under $200 round trip! Of course, that prompted me to finish unpacking my luggage from my last junket......Lord have mercy, the things you find! I found a pair of toddlers socks, and a half eaten bag of Cheetos's in my tote, inside my carry-on. I also found a fork....that I must have accidentally stole dropped in my tote. It didn't have any distinguishing mark, so I couldn't have really wanted it. I don't even know where it came from, especially since I couldn't possibly get though security with it, and why would I have a fork?

When you fly first class....they serve cocktails or the beverage of your choice before the regular travelers even board. They they feed you. They feed you really good food, with real forks and a knife. So I'm thinking that's where my mystery fork came from.

They serve condiments in cute packages like this....

and when you turn it over...this.

I can't afford to fly first class, so I started using my frequent flyer miles to upgrade. It irks me to no end when other people get free upgrades. You know, probably important people like celebrities, and famous people like Nobel Prize winners.

And people pretending to be other famous people. Where's the justice?

* The 4th ... in a series of my great Christmas gift ideas has been added at the bottom of the page. Check back often for more gift giving ideas.

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS...
..is no secret

Because, when Grandma J steps into the world of gambling, corruption and brothels, she shares it all with her peeps! As my oldest daughter alerted you to on my last post, my flight out of the local regional airport, who's slogan is "We'll Take You There" was canceled, as were all flights to Houston, where I was supposed to connect to Vegas. The weather was fine, so why were all flights cancelled? Let me tell you...it's because it's the same friggin plane that travels to and from this local regional airport and Houston all day, and the next day. And because this condition is permanent and terminal (as in airport terminal), Grandma J wasn't happy with rescheduling for the next possible flight...the next day! So she walked all the way over to the only other airlines and got booked on their next flight which connects out of Dallas to Vegas.

Because this other airline is located about ten feet away, they arranged the change with the original airlines electronically. So, off we go, and because of the changes, Grandma J arrived in Las Vegas five hours late, but at least it was the same day.

I met Tabatha's Mommy, Marianne, who is also my son-in-law, Sgt. John's Mommy too...and my friend.
We stayed at the Four Queens downtown....
which isn't ritzy like The Strip with all the panhandlers and prostitutes. It's where the whole Vegas thing started way back when. It's also where the fabulous Fremont Experience is. Several years ago Fremont street was closed off for two blocks of hotels, that were renovated and covered to create a plaza with kiosks and a great laser show several times a night with great music.
Our room was on the fifth floor, and this is the view. This is what the covered Fremont Plaza looks like during the day from the street level.

These next pictures are from our room for the light show...which moves too fast for Grandma J's cheap camera.

And lookie who Grandma J found in the casino?

We had a blast, meeting old friends.

And getting chummy with people with familiar names, like John Wayne.
And maybe inhaling too much laughing gas...or developing a food allergy or something that might affect our small motor skills....just saying.

But two days later, the fun came to an end... or did it?

The final chapter of this junket is still raw and painful. Spending 22 hours to get home, with eight of them hanging with my new roomie was not the icing on the cake, just saying! The icing, if you want to call it that, was the fact that out of the zillions of others who attended our sleepover in the Houston airport, my new roomie and I were the ones who found the only four comfy chairs to make matching beds.

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

I have never been antsy about air travel. I do it often and I've been on some flights that had quite a bit of turbulence. It's on the really rough flights that I pretend I'm at Disneyland. Let's just say it keeps me sane and my heart rate within normal range.

Lately some pretty bizarre things have been happening on flights. Like the woman on a flight out of New York that duked it out with the flight attendant because he told her to put her cigarette out. This cause the pilot to land in Chicago instead of going on the San Francisco. People missed connecting flights, which to me, can be a major problem. With my upcoming cruise, a delayed flight could make me miss my ship leaving port. Or a delay could cause me to miss my connecting flight in Dallas on my trip to Las Vegas next week. Where I'm meeting up with my good friend, her mom.

But one of the worse thing that could happen? Here's a clue: Evidently an uninvited passenger, created a smelly situation on an American Airlines plane in Miami. That's right, a skunk was found in the cargo hold, discharging it's foul odor throughout the aircraft. When crews tried to remove the skunk, it released it's notorious rotten smell. The smell filtered throughout the cabin, and all passengers where taken off the plane.

I know from past experience, you cannot get that smell out. Do you think American Airlines will pay any claims for new luggage and contents?

**Loyal readers, and those of you who gave up on my Friday Matinees. I have temporarily renamed that feature to: Friday Matinee on Monday. With all the inconvenient interruptions lately, and all the kids hitting the theatres on Fridays, I had to make the switch. I promise I won't keep jerking you around make any further changes without your permission.

Also...Stayed tuned, I will update you soon on my visit to my new Orthopedic professional, Dr. Bob.

Love, Grandma J and JJ

NO FLY ZONE....
..or big black hole

I hate to obsess about things, especially things that should be fairly simple. I don't subscribe to the Murphy's Law Club where if anything can go wrong it will. I am a Virgo detail person, and usually take every scenario into account when planning things like vacations.

Some of you might vaguely remember me mentioning a cruise I'm taking to Alaska in September. Aboard this ship.

The Sapphire Princess. With about ten eight friends from So CA. We are meeting in Seattle, then we will rent two vans and drive to Vancouver B.C., where we reserved three rooms for the night. We don't board the ship until 4:40 PM the next day so we can do a bit of sightseeing.

I booked this cruise back in December, and it was suggested by the cruise agent, at American Airlines, that I wait a while before booking my flights. With all the bruhaha with fuel prices, and the airlines charging extra for things like seats luggage, and the rumor that they might charge fat people more, I finally booked my flights on May 26th.

Remember me telling you about flying to Seattle from Texas, which requires changing planes in Dallas? And, remember me mentioning flying back to Orange County CA after the cruise? Good...just stay with me on this. I board my first flight on American Airlines out of the small regional airport where I live at 5:30 A.M., changing planes in Dallas, then on to Seattle.

The cruise ends in Whittier Alaska, docking at 12:30 A.M, The shuttle to the airport in Anchorage takes two hours, give or take. So I book a flight out at 7:30 A.M. on USAirways, changing planes in Phoenix, on to OC. This is what my vacation routing looks like.
On may 27th I email my flight info to one of my travel friends, who calls me and says, "they don't let you off the ship until morning" ......Holy mother of God!

Expedia booked me on two different airlines because that was the most economic package. I called Expedia right away and explained that I had to change my fights going home because I didn't bother to ask when we could leave the ship misunderstood the disembarkment rules. Well, this was going to cost me $150 from the airlines, and an additional $30 from Expedia....OR..I could call the airlines and change it myself and save $30. US Airways changes it for the next morning at 7:30...because that's all they had. When they emailed me my updated itinerary this is what my route looked like.
Somehow, USAirways, or Expedia, messed with my flights on American Airlines..which were fine!! Guess what? After calling Expedia every day since, nothing has changed. No one can tell me why they were messing with the leg of my trip that was OK from the beginning.

Things could be worse....my friends are booked on Alaska Airlines, and they filed for bankruptcy.

Tomorrow, I will call again! Then get drunk go to a matinee.

A GROUP VACATION...
That was all about ME.

I spent a good portion of the holiday weekend booking flights for an Alaskan cruise I'm going on in early September. I wanted to wait to book the air travel until a good fair popped up, maybe in July or August. But with the uncertainty of fuel prices and the airlines adding charges for checked luggage and an actual seat that's not on a toilet other things like food and headsets, I decided to just book it and be done with it.

I'll be meeting up with eight friends in Seattle, then we'll rent a few cars and drive up to Vancouver, BC together. The ship departs the next day, late in the afternoon, so we'll have time to party all night see a bit of Vancouver. The cruise ends in Anchorage, Alaska, and I'll be flying home from there.

So, this isn't a round trip ticket I'm trying to book, it's a multi-destination ticket. Of course, I'm flying out of that small little regional airport that goes nowhere outside of Texas. Because really? Why would you want to go anywhere else? I am flying to Seattle, then I have to change planes in Dallas, worry about my luggage going to the same destination at the same time. I will be on the first plane out of the small regional airport at 5:30 a.m. to arrive in Seattle by 11:30 a.m. to meet up with my friends. Don't forget the two hour time difference, making my not so simple trip from Texas to Washington eight hours.

Getting back home is the fun part. We dock in Anchorage at 12:30 a.m., then have a 2-3 hour ride to the airport. The first flight I can get on back to Dallas is too late to catch the last flight to the small regional airport near home that day! I decide not to go home, but stay and become an Eskimo fly from Anchorage to Orange County CA...and start my next vacation. See? Kill two birds with eight stones.

All these details and time-lines were giving me a headache. The airlines aren't as user friendly as they used to be. In fact, I called the airlines to see if they could help me coordinate my flights, and they told me there is a fee for that service. Huh? In the past couple of years I haven't had a trip that didn't have a cancelled or late connecting flight, making me miss my flight. American Airlines has had to put me up in a hotel three times in two years. Not good.

I was reminded of a group trip I took in the eighties. When the airlines cared about their image and your travel experience. My vacation tale is one I should keep to myself, but because you guys are all close personal friends, I can tell you...and you won't be judgemental, and realize what a selfish, self-centered person I am was.

I loved skiing, and wanted to experience good skiing, not in the crowded expensive slopes of Southern California. Spending more time in traffic and long lift lines, than actual skiing had lost it's appeal to me.

The local community college had a ski class with a trip to Banff, Alberta, Canada for the final exam...dirt cheap. The class met two nights a week on the grassy slope backing up to the football stadium. For the purpose of the class, it was covered with AstroTurf,then sprayed with WD-40 to make it slick and fast. Hey, don't laugh, this is surf country, sometimes you have to fake it.

The morning we departed for our Canadian ski trip, I was supposed to meet my instructor and forty classmates on campus, then travel to LAX on a bus. Well, I over slept, and missed the bus. I took my own car to the airport and met the class in time to board the plane. The instructor was a bit ticked at me, but hey, these things happen.

So, now we're all on the plane, finally settled in for the flight. Not so fast, readers! The flight attendant makes an announcement that the flight is way over booked, they want volunteers to give up their seats.

After much back and forth offers, yep, I give up my seat for $200 and a seat on the next flight to Calgary. SWEEEEET! Of course my instructor was ticked...AGAIN. No one told me that once we landed we still had to travel about 90 miles to the Banff Springs Hotel.
So there they were, waiting for me, for four hours, to take the charter bus to Banff because we were supposed to travel as a group.

So, I have to say, the airline was very accommodating. Not only did they pay me $200 to take a later flight, they sent me a voucher for my inconvenience. Air travel sure has changed, hasn't it? Or maybe bad Karma finally caught up with me.

Oh, and the instructor gave me a failing grade.